Talien's Tower
Subscribe to Talien's Tower by Twitter, email or via the Site Feed

Thursday, February 19

Movie Review: Rise of the Lycans

Vampires and werewolves killing each other. What more could you ask for in a Valentine's Day date movie? [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 5:07 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Tuesday, February 17

DVD Review: Transporter 3

There are so many logic fallacies that you have to wonder if Besson's just mocking his audience. Statham as Europe's answer to the Kung Fu martial artist is just plain awesome -- I loved him in The Transporter and was willing to forgive the silliness of Transporter 2 -- but this is too much. Frank Martin deserves better. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 11:41 AM | 0 comments links to this post


DVD Review: Swordsman

The Swordsman is a brutal, violent film that makes the most of its limited special effects budget with innovative camera tricks, featuring martial arts that can punch holes in wood and people with the flick of a finger, burst through ceilings, blow an army of soldiers off a dock, and yes send snakes flying. It has to be seen to be believed. Watch it for the wildly imaginative martial arts styles, but don't expect much in the way of a plot. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 11:40 AM | 0 comments links to this post


DVD Review: Journey to the Center of the Earth

Ultimately, Journey is more an amusement park ride than it is an actual movie. Because amusement park standards are much more family-friendly, Journey to the Center of the Earth is heavy on the Journey, light in the Center. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 11:40 AM | 0 comments links to this post


DVD Review: Chinese Super Ninjas

This movie has more awesomeness in its little pinky than you will have in your entire lifetime. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 11:40 AM | 0 comments links to this post


DVD Review: Zu Warriors

It's telling how many people praise this film without providing any detail as to the plot. That's because this hyperkinetic mess is a tangle of poor special effects, bizarre storyline plotting, and far too many characters to follow. Some of this can be chalked up to differences in culture and translation. But a lot of it can't. It should have been an anime. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 11:39 AM | 0 comments links to this post


Thursday, January 22

DVD Review: 3:10 to Yuma

As a realistic depiction of the Wild West, 3:10 to Yuma falls short. But as a meditation on good and evil that gives its actors an opportunity to showcase their considerable talents, Yuma hits its mark ... right between the eyes. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 11:16 AM | 0 comments links to this post


DVD Review: Pi

Pi isn't a bad film, but it's intellectually challenging. There's precious little science in Pi, or valid mathematics, or even an accurate portrayal of Kabablism. It uses artistic license to make its point -- that the nature of God is beyond human ken - and ultimately beats the viewer over the head with it in the end. Literally. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 11:15 AM | 0 comments links to this post


DVD Review: Zu Warriors

It's telling how many people praise this film without providing any detail as to the plot. That's because this hyperkinetic mess is a tangle of poor special effects, bizarre storyline plotting, and far too many characters to follow. Some of this can be chalked up to differences in culture and translation. But a lot of it can't. It should have been an anime. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 11:13 AM | 0 comments links to this post


DVD Review: Forbidden Warrior

Forbidden Warrior lowers the bar for chop-sockey flicks down to its toenails, then trips over it. On the upside, it will make a hilarious drinking game. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 11:11 AM | 0 comments links to this post


Monday, January 12

DVD Review: 10,000 B.C.

Ten things I learned from 10,000 B.C. (spoilers beware!):

1) Nobody speaks in contractions.
2) Everybody is dirty.
3) Nobody speaks the same language except for one guy in Africa, and yet the translation of "Mammoths" is "Mannak."
4) The way to get a bull mammoth to stampede is to stand up in the middle of the herd and scream your head off.
5) Even isolated arctic tribes have tremendous racial diversity.
6) The pyramids were built either by space aliens or Atlanteans.
7) Egyptian pharaohs were white guys who spit a lot.
8) 10,000 B.C. had its own versions of velociraptors: giant angry chickens.
9) For some reason only white men can lead the more powerful and numerous African tribes.
10) Blue-eyed girls are hot. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 6:52 AM | 0 comments links to this post


Thursday, December 4

DVD Review: Beast With a Billion Backs

As one big joke about relationships and religion, Beast With a Billion Backs works pretty well. But for reasons known only to the writers, the plot shambles forward well beyond the Big Revelation by Leela about Yivo, the aforementioned Spaghetti Monster. It's like the drunk guy at a party who tells a joke, discovers no one thinks it's funny, then tells it in a slightly different way that STILL doesn't make it funny. We get it: relationships with people can be just as ridiculous as relationships with God. But this is Futurama, and while I appreciate the depth of meaning the show strives for with this movie, it feels forced. A multitude of guest appearances doesn't make up for it. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 6:57 AM | 0 comments links to this post


DVD Review: Bender's Big Score

It's not bad. It's just not fantastic. Bender's Big Score is a series of muddled plot points, pointless cameos, and a lot of "hey, look, we gave you what you wanted!" fan service. It's great to have a DVD comeback of a great show, but I expected better from a feature-length movie. I mean, Internet scams? That's so ten years ago! [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 6:57 AM | 0 comments links to this post


DVD Review: Casino Royale

Casino Royale is a much improved film, but it's the foundation for the Bond mythology, and as such it breaks previous expectations and struggles to establish new ones. It's much better than the Bond films that went before it, but they set the bar pretty low. As a book-end to Quantum of Solace, Casino Royale can't be really appreciated without seeing the two movies back-to-back. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 6:56 AM | 0 comments links to this post


Sunday, November 30

DVD Review: I Am Legend

I Am Legend could easily have been an egotistical macho romp in a world gone mad in the vein of Mad Max. Instead, it is a thoughtful meditation on how communities define ourselves, even if your only friend is a dog. Although the director flinches at the uncompromising ending that could have been (and is on the two-disc special edition), I Am Legend is a serious entry in both science fiction movies and Will Smith's string of blockbusters. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 7:42 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Sunday, November 2

DVD Review: Indiana Jones and the IKingdom of the Crystal Skull

This movie is loaded with fan-service. There are nods to the other three films, from a fight in the mysterious warehouse at the end of the first movie to Indy starting to speak just like his father ("This is intolerable!") to his fear of snakes. The quicksand scene had me laughing so hard that I was in tears. But somewhere along the line, Spielberg and Lucas lost sight of the purpose of the film. It transformed from making a thrilling adventure to a "one last act for Ford, Spielberg, and Lucas." [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 3:28 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Friday, October 31

Movie Review: The Dark Knight

Yes, it's long. Yes, it's violent. But ultimately, Nolan's masterpiece is both a meditation on the comic book genre and modern day society. To stop a terrorist, are we willing to bend every civil liberty, burn down every forest, no matter what the cost? It's a bold, uncompromising vision that will haunt you long after the movie ends. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 4:45 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Saturday, October 18

DVD Review: Mirrormask

Mirrormask is a surprisingly feminine fantasy, all too lacking in a genre dominated by sword and sorcery. It's also marketed to a very specific niche, that of the tween heroine fantasy, and that might not go over well with everyone. My wife thoroughly enjoyed it; I was so caught up in staring at all the backgrounds that I didn't always track the plot. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 12:13 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Friday, August 22

DVD Review: Hero

Hero is a breathtaking movie, filled with balletic martial arts, lovely scenes in vivid colors, and natural settings reflecting China's ancient history and beauty. It's entertaining and moving, and the relationship between Broken Sword and Flying Snow anchors the piece. The three different tales, each depicted by a particular color scheme, provides different backdrops for heroics, drama, and warfare. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 11:15 AM | 0 comments links to this post


Saturday, August 16

DVD Review: Kung Fu Panda

For kids, Po is a great tale about overcoming obstacles by being yourself. For geeks, Po is a hilarious new hero archetype: the fanboy as hero, a fat, slobbering devotee who knows more details about the Furious Five than they know about themselves. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 5:08 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Wednesday, July 16

DVD Review: The Fog

John Carpenter's score, while reminiscent of Halloween, is scary in its own right. Wayne's helplessness and terror, as she shifts from sultry on-air voice to a mother terrified for her son, is palpable. And the glowing fog, when the special effects are up to snuff, is truly terrifying. Carpenter knows when to show his zombies and when not to show them, and it's a credit to his nascent (at the time) moviemaking skills that even when the zombies show up, they're scary enough that the glowing red eyes of the lead zombie burn in your memory long after the movie has faded. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 3:53 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Saturday, May 24

DVD Review: Taking Lives

With a subdued Jolie, a bizarre appearance by Kiefer Sutherland, lack of chemistry between the two leads, and a supporting cast that doesn't speak English as their first language, Taking Lives would make for a boring movie even if it were an action film. As a slow-building drama it can barely stir to life. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 7:53 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Sunday, May 4

DVD Review: The Gate

This is a movie about a kid's love for his big sister and rockets, both of which help him overcome the forces of evil. With special effects ahead of its time, demons that are anything but cute, and a climax that is both terrifying and inspirational, The Gate is an entertaining piece of eighties horror history. After the hell poor Glen goes through, he deserves the sappy happy ending.[MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 4:31 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Sunday, April 27

DVD Review: Dexter Season One

The ending of season one won't be a shock to observant viewers. It's not the actual ending that matters but the journey getting there. Dexter's narration is amusing and wry, his cadence just off enough that he comes across as disturbed yet functional. Surprisingly, the show isn't very gory at all. Dexter would probably be less sympathetic if we were subjected to every grisly detail. In fact, by cutting away from the most gruesome scenes, Dexter has to remind us that he's one of the bad guys - the Code of Harry is as much the anti-hero's code that we see in a multitude of other crime-fighting shows. It's a credit to the writers that Dexter is both a monstrous, damaged human being and yet still human. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 10:02 PM | 0 comments links to this post


DVD Revuew: Cube 2 - Hypercube

The special effects are minimal and the traps are less inventive than the first. Hypercube is more concerned about the possibilities of alternate dimensions than it is about killing people off, relying instead on the inevitable backstabbing. Although there is a tantalizing series of clues as to the true nature of the hypercube, it's a bit of a feint - figuring it out doesn't help the characters escape or give them much of an advantage. This is a refreshing twist for jaded moviegoers and a depressing downer for those who are looking for a satisfying conclusion. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 6:24 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Monday, April 7

Nick Ozment's Review: The Ruins

The premise is kind of creepy; the threat is unusual; the scenes of horror are gruesomely horrific. What this movie seems to lack is characters. Well, I’ll clarify that: It lacks characters who have any depth, characters who would be of any interest to us apart from the circumstance in which they find themselves. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 12:40 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Saturday, February 23

DVD Review: The Simpsons Movie

It's not that the Simpsons movie isn't funny. It's that it's extremely uninspired, given the fine pedigree of writers for the show. The mutant squirrel that becomes the symbol of Springfield's pollution best sums up the lack of inspiration. There already is a mascot of Springfield's solution: the three-eyed fish. The fact that the movie didn't use it shows just how underutilized the Springfield cast really is. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 6:19 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Monday, February 18

DVD Review: Stardust

And so it came to pass that Stardust, which ran far too long, was the rare film with more budget than it knew what to do with. And thus the special effects were amazing, the acting pretty good, the plot not so much, and the conclusion, while thrilling, a little trite. So the adventurous critic, only somewhat amused by Stardust, watched Princess Bride instead, which while not having nearly as much of a special effects budget, had twice the charm.

And he lived happily ever after. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 8:50 AM | 0 comments links to this post


Friday, February 8

Movie Review: Cloverfield

Another review from Nick (I don't see movies in the theaters lately with my 6-month old):
Post-Hiroshima Japan had Gojira. Post-9/11 America has Cloverfield. It’s not just the first giant-monster movie that actually managed to terrify me. It’s one of the scariest horror movies I’ve seen in a long time. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 3:49 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Movie Review: The Eye

My new buddy from World Fantasy Con, Nicholas Ozment, just posted a review of The Eye at http://www.downinthecellar.com.
The filmmakers follow the original pretty closely. They deliver a story that is interesting both in its exploration of the unreliability of our senses and its depiction of a woman struggling with horrific visions. The visions could either convince her she’s insane or, if they’re real, possibly drive her insane. Overall, we get acting that is passable but not noteworthy, an intriguing premise and fairly engaging storyline, and some scary scenes. One such chilling scene is the ghost in the elevator—it’s frightening here, but if you really want to be unnerved, see it in the original. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 3:43 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Wednesday, January 16

Real Antarctic Folks Review The Thing

Being a big Thing fan, I couldn't pass this up:

John Carpenter's "The Thing" is the first important film about industrial American life in the Antarctic. It is based on a short story called "Who Goes There?" by John W. Campbell. (The short story has a fictionalized setting based on Richard Byrd's Antarctic expeditions, which occurred from 1929 onward.) The movie is enjoyed at the stations as a rich Antarctic document, interwoven with classic Antarctic myths and probably accidental accuracies, but it is scarcely recognized off-continent beyond old-school horror fans. (In his otherwise comprehensive book "The Ice", Antarctic academic Stephen Pyne remarks only that the movie is "clumsily filmed".) Made in the '80s, with analog, plaster, and an ocean of fake blood and bile, with decapitated heads that grow spiderlegs, with flamethrowers used safely indoors, the horror movie's lurching technicalities and gruesome thrills have long shielded the picture from the stingy praise of Antarctic stamp-collectors and other tuck-shirted buffs.

To alleviate this stifling gridlock of cinematic injustice, Big Dead Place offers this All-John-Carpenter's-"The Thing"-Review Section. We encourage you to watch the movie and send us your review. The movie was shot in Vancouver B.C. If this timeless Antarctic film does not quibble about location, why should you? There are no geographic prerequisites. Reviews from tropical islands are encouraged, provided they are even barely coherent and somehow treat the film's Antarctic-ness. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 10:50 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Tuesday, January 15

DVD Review: Next

Throughout the movie, Next plays fast and loose with the timeline. At any point in time, we're never sure if we're seeing the future or if Johnson is actually experiencing the future. Depending on your perspective, this is either an interesting twist on the action genre or really annoying. The ending pivots on the phrase, "I made a mistake..."

Was it a mistake? I don't think so. This little movie works with what it has. Sometimes it might overreach, but for the most part it's an exciting science fiction action thriller. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 7:59 AM | 0 comments links to this post


DVD Review: Ocean's Thirteen

There's a lot of problems with Ocean's Thirteen, not the least of which is the superhero status of our Justice League of Swinging Hip Guys. There's too many of them. They're all really rich at this point. And it's hard to conceivably rouse them into action, even if one of their buddies got hurt. Or to put it another way, when Superman can punch you through a wall with his fist, does he really get that upset if you cut him off in traffic? Does he even drive in traffic? [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 7:57 AM | 0 comments links to this post


Tuesday, January 1

DVD Review: Spider-Man 3

I still nurse a grudge against Joel Silverman for mucking up the Batman series by stuffing it with way too many villains in the belief that it somehow bolsters the franchise. And yet I understand: each supervillain means another toy, another lunchbox, another backpack that gets created. They are literally worth millions, and to justify the budgets of superhero movies, action figures and other returns add up.

But that's a cynical way of looking at it. What happened to just focusing on making a good movie?

Spider-Man 3, as you guessed, fell victim to the same problem. And that's a shame. At one point my wife turned to me and said, "you know, this movie isn't nearly as bad as everyone made it out to be." I agreed with her. It was the scene when Peter was talking to Aunt May about proposing to Mary Jane.

Fifteen minutes later, she changed her mind. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 3:37 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Monday, December 31

DVD Review: Apocalypto

Did I mention that this entire movie is subtitled? The movie's so enthralling that you stop noticing it a few seconds in. Apocalypto's that good. Sure, it's a blood-drenched action thriller in another language. But what did you expect from Mel Gibson? [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 6:54 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Friday, December 7

DVD Review: Ghost Rider

Overall, Ghost Rider was a lot more enjoyable than I expected. If you can get on board with the idea of a demonic biker of vengeance working as a bounty hunter for the devil, you won't be disappointed. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 4:05 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Wednesday, November 21

Cloverfield Monster Revealed?

Back to one of my favorite subjects, it's looking more and more like we now know what the monster looks like. Basically, there are two major themes we've seen from the trailers: 1) the monster infects people (slow the frame down and watch what happens to the woman's shadow) somehow, and 2) it is tied to a web site called Slusho which involves eating nasty stuff and becoming a whale. The latest trailer shot matches the monster's description. So what is it?

This is probably it:



My guess: the giant monster has parasites, the parasites can be caught from a soft drink (slusho), and they eventually burst, turning into giant crabs. In the mean time, this giant whale thing starts walking around. So you've got two monster movies for the price of one!

Labels:

posted by talien at 7:57 AM | 0 comments links to this post


Monday, October 22

DVD Review: Vacancy

Vacancy is a particularly disturbing breed of horror. I've been at hotels where someone banged on the door in the middle of the night. I've been at hotels where the people in the next room sound like they're doing something illegal. I've been at hotels where the front desk is behind Plexiglas with cameras everywhere. Vacancy's premise blends the perfect cocktail of emotional and physical isolation with the fact that some hotels are just plain nasty. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 8:43 PM | 0 comments links to this post


DVD Review: Disturbia

There's a moment in the film where Robert calmly explains how he likes his privacy and why it's so important to him. And that's the moment where the generation gap is drawn in Disturbia: Robert, the silver-haired Boomer, disturbs the younger generation with his need for privacy. Kale, the Generation Y millennial, doesn't comprehend the notion at all. Disturbia is as much a thriller as it is a commentary on a culture clash between two different generations, forced to figure out how to coexist in modern suburbia. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 8:42 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Tuesday, October 9

DVD Review: Pathfinder

300 did all of this, from the digitally inserted blood to the culture clash, heroic speeches to demonized villains, only better. By the time stock footage of an avalanche appeared on screen, my hopes for Pathfinder were dashed along with the Vikings on the rocks. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 7:44 AM | 0 comments links to this post


DVD Review: Shooter

Shooter is very entertaining. There's enough skin, violence, humor and conspiracy theory to keep an audience entertained. The ending may be complete wish fulfillment, but it's extremely satisfying. Those Californians will have plenty of reasons to want to be snipers by the end of this film. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 7:43 AM | 0 comments links to this post


DVD Review: Borat - Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

Borat is rude, crude, and hilarious. But the amount of navel-gazing it created on behalf of the nation due to its supposedly candid look at America is unwarranted. In the tradition of our reality TV culture, Borat is as authentic as...well, reality TV shows. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 7:42 AM | 0 comments links to this post


Saturday, October 6

DVD Review: Zodiac

Zodiac isn't about wrapping up the film with an easy villain. It's about the price of living in a media-saturated culture where, for three years, the scariest reality show took place not on our televisions but in handful of towns in northern California. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 9:42 PM | 0 comments links to this post


DVD Review: Hot Fuzz

Although the interaction between Angel and Butterman are entertaining, Hot Fuzz's pacing is uneven, which is a shame. Pegg and Wright's enthusiasm for the genre is infectious, but in this case they'd be better off renting cop movies than making one. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 9:39 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Friday, October 5

DVD Review: Superman: Doomsday

There's a reckoning, of course: two Supermen battling it out, comparable to the Doomsday fight only with more blood and clever asides. And like the end of the movie, punch for punch, the old Superman (Animated Series) beats the new Superman (Doomsday), hands down. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 8:01 AM | 0 comments links to this post


Friday, September 21

DVD Review: The Bourne Supremacy

Bourne Supremacy feels more like an episode in a series than a movie. Bourne fans won't be disappointed, but the rest of us will have to wait until the third installment comes out on DVD to see Bourne develop beyond an amnesiac killing machine. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 7:54 AM | 0 comments links to this post


Monday, September 17

DVD Review: Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters

Your perception of all this is really dependent on your perception of the show. It won't turn you into a fan. In fact, the entire intro is a joke on those "let's go out to the movies" dancing food characters, with various angry incarnations of movie junk food screaming to thrash metal, "You came here. Watch it. Don't like it? Walk out."

I didn't walk out. If you're a fan of ATHF, you won't either. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 7:41 AM | 2 comments links to this post


DVD Review: Meet The Fockers

If you are recently married or have a kid, the movie's struggle over childrearing is a very funny debate indeed. If you don't, then Meet the Fockers is probably only mildly amusing. Since my son was born the same month I saw his movie, it had particular comedic resonance, and my parents (who are definitely Focker-types) and my wife laughed all the way through. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 7:39 AM | 0 comments links to this post


Sunday, August 26

Hannibal Lecter: Transhumanist Icon

An excellent analysis of the Hannibal series of books and movies and how they represent Transhumanism. [MORE]

Labels: ,

posted by talien at 12:58 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Friday, July 20

Silent Hill Inspired By Real Events

This freaked me out:

Centralia was the pre-production codename and a small influence for the movie adaptation of the game Silent Hill.[1]


It's a real place!

Labels: ,

posted by talien at 6:42 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Monday, July 16

My Thoughts on Cloverfield

Like everyone else, I saw the Cloverfield trailer (here: http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount/11808/hd/) before Transformers and my head exploded. I was already primed for a huge battle between giant robots in a crowded metropolis...a mysterious rampage filmed, Blair Witch style, helmed by J.J. Abrams, was icing on the cake. The marketing was ingenious and viral. Just enough to tell us what the movie's about but not enough to tell us what the movie is all about.

Since then, crazy stuff's been flying all over the web. There's the question as to whether the Ethan Haas site has anything to do with Cloverfield. More and more, it looks like that's not the case and actually a situation where two viral marketing campaigns collided (an inevitability in the age of copycat marketing, I'm afraid). I'm sure the guys at Mind Storm Labs are thrilled. In fact, I'd venture to say that outside of the Dungeons & Dragons promotion in that GE commercial (where a geek gives a Player's Handbook to a supermodel), this is the most publicity a table-top RPG has ever received.

Not that it matters. Clueless Forbes.com thinks it's "a campaign for a video game" http://www.typepad.com/t/trackback/575467/20081850.

What's really telling about all this hoopla is how ridiculous the blogging community is as a news source. For example, the assertion that Cloverfield was tied to Cthulhu was made by an ANONYMOUS POSTER on one of the Ethan Haas sites. This would of course require maybe a half hour of digging through Google to find out exactly what the source was (or wasn't). But there are many, many blogs out there that repeat every piece of news as if it were true, breathlessly reporting that the Ethan Haas site was part of the Cloverfield campaign, or that Ethan Haas was definitely featuring the Cthulhu mythos because it had "Cthulhu fhtagn!" as a secret message, or (this is my favorite) that Ethan Haas is definitely tied to the Cthulhu messages because the entry on Wikipedia says so.

Kids...I love Wikipedia. I do. But I recently discovered that the average salaries for graduates of Dowling College (my undergraduate alma mater) make "$5,987". Because some wanker edited it. In case this is news, anyone can edit Wikipedia. What's the Internet coming to these days when suddenly our fearless bloggers are all so gullible as to believe Wikipedia hook, line, and sinker? Hell, some bloggers even pointed out that the entry didn't have the line...and then suddenly referenced Cthulhu an hour later. Almost like it was...EDITED!

There's a lot of wacky theories about Cloverfield that seem to be forged of hopes and good wishes. I think it's time to inject a little bit of common sense into those theories, which seems to be lacking a lot these days. So let's deconstruct them one by one, shall we?

First, a few things need to be established. By all accounts, Cloverfield is about a giant beast of some sort, which we can reasonably assume from the roaring going on in the background, playing football with the Statue of Libery's head, etc. Abrams is letting us know, to quote The Thing, "Whatever it is, it's weird and pissed off."

Second, the trailer was filmed entirely with handheld cameras. Abrams is giving us a feel for what the movie is like. And it's scary as all get out.

1) Voltron. This is almost exclusively based on the rumor that Abrams was working on Voltron and that someone shouts, "It looks like a lion!"

Have you seen Voltron?

You do realize that it's about a colorful Super Sentai, or superhero team, using giant mechanized lions to defend the universe against giant monsters, right? And that those lions turn into a giant robot that wields a BLAZING SWORD, right? And that the primary villains, giant monsters called Robeasts, were formed by a witch (yes, I said witch) named Haggar, who usually gave them some kind of magic to make them ridiculously large and thus suitable for fighting Voltron...need I go on?

In short, Voltron is a superhappyfuntime anime-style, big mecha, kid-friendly genre. Anyone confusing Transformers with Voltron has not watched Voltron. Transformers took itself seriously most of the time. Voltron is Power Rangers with Lions. This is not a genre you produce with handheld cameras. Nor is it particularly scary.

2) Cthulhu. Now I want this to be so true. I really do. But there is bupkis to support this theory. The Cthulhu fhtagn nonsense was tied to Ethan Haas, not Cloverfield. However, the theme of apocalyptic horror fits -- instead of showing the massive beast on a wide-angle lens, it's appropriate to film it from the human perspective. In other words, a you-are-there kind of guerilla style.

3 Lost. And what, exactly, makes the trailer reminiscent of the style of Lost? Some folks are positing that it’s a flashback of sorts. Are you kidding me? The entire tone of the trailer doesn’t match up with Lost. In fact, it’s the anti-Lost. Lost is subtle, slowly building to one-two gut punches. The trailer was like a shotgun to the face. Abrams was producer on Felicity too. But I don’t see anyone making that connection (but that show DOES frighten me).

4) Alias. God help us. Similarly, there’s nothing right about the tone of the film that matches up with Alias. But then, Alias had a season finale involving zombies, so that’s a bit more plausible. Still, the whole point of Alias is ya know, Sydney. No Sydney in the trailer? Not Alias.

5) Godzilla. This is the go to guy for giant monsters. I’m surprised everyone isn’t claiming it’s King Kong, but I’m guessing that’s because nobody can top Peter Jackson. And Godzilla’s associated with fire breathing, so heck, that makes perfect sense.

Except it doesn’t, because Godzilla isn’t personal horror. Godzilla is like a natural disaster. It’s hard to make natural disaster films as personal as the trailer. And the rights to Godzilla aren’t available. And Godzilla’s already been done, horribly, before. Studio execs are a cautious lot. My guess is they’re not ready to immediately remake a major mess, not when there’s so many other ripe franchises just waiting to be screwed up.

The one thing that does seem to be connecting Godzilla and Voltron together is that Slusho.jp is undeniably a Japanese site. And it’s weird. All this talk about people drinking some kind of weird concoction and getting as big as whales. Sounds like Honey I Blew Up the Kid.

6) The Dark Tower. I haven’t read the series. Is there a giant monster in it? I didn’t think so…

The truth is that it’s likely an original property, or a remake of a Japanese property. There are a dizzying variety of giant monster (kaiju) films that could fit the bill. But that’s not important. What’s important is the style of film that the trailer showed us. And that is a personalized horror at an apocalyptic event. With the advent of 9/11, big monsters have lost most of their appeal. When a building explodes, when a beloved monument is defaced, it is greeted with mounting dread.

Abrams and his crew know what they’re doing. Now they just have to live up to the hype.

Labels:

posted by talien at 8:03 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Thursday, July 5

Movie Review: Transformers

Michael Bay's reputation for non-stop action flicks that involve multiple explosions has given me pause in the past. I mean, too many high concept films have been ruined by this sort of lowest common denominator pandering, and when Transformers came out...

Wait a minute, what am I saying? Non-stop action flick? Check. Multiple explosions? Check! Big budget special effects? CHECK. Peter Cullen, the original voice actor of Optimus Prime in the cartoon series, playing Optimus Prime in the movie? OMG I AM SO THERE!!1!1! [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 7:51 AM | 0 comments links to this post


Wednesday, June 13

DVD Review: School of Rock

Black flops around, he sweats, he tosses his head with manic glee, but most of all he passionately TEACHES. He teaches a large girl that her weight doesn't matter, teaches the geek that he should ignore the kids who make fun of him, teaches the brat some discipline, and encourages the brilliance of the lead queen bee to use her powers for good instead of evil. He makes a difference with the kids by bringing what he knows best to the room; not school learning, but plain old-fashioned street smarts. Dewey's, and by extension Black's, sheer enthusiasm makes up for his rough edges.

If only teachers were this enthusiastic about anything these days! [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 6:59 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Wednesday, June 6

DVD Review: A History of Violence

This movie poses important questions that challenge American assumptions about violence, similar to how American History X challenged our assumptions about racism. It's in answering those questions that the movie becomes more than action film and transforms into a morality tale worth seeing. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 7:58 AM | 0 comments links to this post


Monday, June 4

DVD Review: The Italian Job

The Italian Job has lots of cool car chases, lots of near misses, and a lot of twists and turns (literally and figuratively) that make it a brisk, entertaining movie. You get quickly caught up in the machinations of the characters, which allows the film to get away with a lot of unbelievable nonsense. But who cares? From the funky flashbacks to the quippy asides, it's clear that Italian Job doesn't take itself too seriously. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 10:33 AM | 0 comments links to this post


Tuesday, May 29

DVD Review: A History of Violence

This movie poses important questions that challenge American assumptions about violence, similar to how American History X challenged our assumptions about racism. It's in answering those questions that the movie becomes more than action film and transforms into a morality tale worth seeing. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 7:35 AM | 0 comments links to this post


Monday, May 28

DVD Review: Mission Impossible III

I avoided the third installment of Mission Impossible for the same reason a lot of people did: Tom Cruise. It's a tradeoff: a bankable star becomes a liability if you happen to dislike him. Of course, the people who don't like these big budget stars are usually not substantial enough to affect sales. Given Sumner Redstone's, CEO of Paramount, decision to cut ties with Cruise, it seems that his outrageous antics finally caught up with him.

And that's a shame, because Mission Impossible III is really good. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 9:16 AM | 0 comments links to this post


Movie Review: Pirates of the Caribbean - At World's End

World's End doesn't give us happy endings. It doesn't wrap up Jack's story. And it shamelessly dangles yet another sequel to a series that's not sure what it wants to be when it grows up. Verbinski obviously is having fun at our expense, as evidenced by the audio playing from the Pirates of the Caribbean ride, playing over Jacks' arrival to Davey Jones' Locker.

World's End is a wild ride. But I'd rather pay to see it at Disneyland than in the theater. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 9:13 AM | 0 comments links to this post


Wednesday, May 23

Movie Review: Shrek the Third

In the end, we get a nice little sermon about everyone getting along, about how we shouldn't marginalize people by making them out to be villains, and about Shrek accepting that he's finally going to be a dad. Ironically, my wife is six months pregnant, so this movie was a lot more relevant to me than I expected. Worries about being a good father? Check. Concerned that the kids will be too much to handle? Check. Not sure how domestic life will become part of your own manly personality? Check. Man, Shrek really was hilarious...I was laughing out loud at several parts!

Then I noticed I was the only one. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 11:13 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Tuesday, May 22

DVD Review: Deja Vu

I heard a lot of bad things about Déjà vu, with words tossed around like "contrived," "unbelievable," and "Jerry Bruckheimer." My parents, with their big screen television, forced me to sit down and watch the movie at 11 p.m., when I was ready to go to bed. But instead, I watched right to the end around 1 a.m. It's that good. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 11:03 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Wednesday, May 2

Comments on My Review of 300

Mariana V. Miller
Initial post
Good review, I thank you for that.The truth is that this movie isn't for everyone and it really laughs in the face of political correctness, which makes me wonder: why would the politically correct Pollyannas of the world go to see this movie?, to be disgusted?.Your review should be plastered to ticket booths everywhere, so such people can be warned.I loved the movie too and it bothers me when people critizices it for not being what it was never intended to be. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 9:01 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Comments on My Review of Superman Returns

EA XT
VERY insightful review. I can tell this is a person who (rightly) adores the original and understood how much more "Returns" could be, but isn't cruel. Let's all hope Mr. Tresca's hopes for Superman on the big screen come to fruition sometime soon.

J. mcdonald
I actually enjoyed Superman Returns more than many of the other super hero films of recent years. I also think that Bryan Singer made a wise decision to model the film after the original two movies.However, I have to agree with you that it simply doesn't measure up when you look closely at the plot. That's not to say that the original films didn't have plot holes, but you are correct when you say they were more "fun". You're less likely to complain about the plot if your having a fun time :)For the most part I'm happy that someone revived the superman films and did so in a way that pays tribute to the original films.I wonder what would have happened if they actually let Richard Donner loose with 200+ million dollars? And this time nobody interfered with his vision?Well written review!-JM [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 8:59 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Sunday, April 15

DVD Review: The Prestige

The twists and turns in the film aren't too hard to follow; astute viewers will pick up on the secrets behind both magicians' acts. What's really terrifying is the little sins that magicians commit in performing their illusions. What happens to all cute those bunnies and pigeons that disappear? You don't want to know. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 2:42 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Wednesday, April 11

DVD Review: Superman Returns

Superman Returns has its moments, and if you squint your eyes it almost feels like the magic from the first movie has been captured. But then it's gone and the movie drags, and drags, and drags. Superman has been co-opted to be a Christ-like father-son parable and on the way Bryan Singer forgot what made the first Superman movie so great: it was FUN! [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 7:37 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Tuesday, April 10

DVD Review: RV

In short, the Monroe struggles are the new struggles of the middle class. Sure, Clark Griswold didn't have these problems, but then the National Lampoon movies were made decades ago. RV brings it all up to date with one difference: unlike Cousin Eddie and his brood, the country folk are actually the wiser and more decent family. We could learn a lot from their home values, preaches Brother Sonnenfeld. Maybe he's right. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 8:24 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Wednesday, March 21

Movie Review: 300

300 is about a leader and his 299 best friends standing to the last to do what's right, to bow to no man when every logic dictates otherwise, to die for king and yes, country because history will remember you as a hero. Back when we remembered what heroes were. And you find yourself cheering, because this is how many men secretly wish they could die...not in a hospital, not walking across the street, but with a sword in their hand and piles of enemies at their feet. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 11:19 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Sunday, February 11

DVD Review: Primer

Primer is probably one of the most realistic portrayals of time travel science in recent memory, but that doesn't necessarily make it an engaging film. Primer strains our patience. Most of the time, the characters stand around chatting with each other from innovative camera angles. The climactic moment, a scene where an ex-boyfriend shows up with a shotgun at a party, is never even shown. And the grainy footage, the monotone dialogue, the talking-over-each-other style of acting, all make the film seem more like a reality show than a movie. It doesn't have the slick sensibilities of Donnie Darko or the neatly wrapped storyline of Groundhog Day. And yet, the nihilistic outcome of the film is too powerful to ignore, sticking with you through multiple future viewings. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 4:17 PM | 0 comments links to this post


DVD Review: Aeon Flux

The backlash on this film is suspicious. Perhaps it was Theron's Oscar win. Perhaps it's simply that many critics don't like science fiction. Or perhaps it's that a truly feminist take on a science fiction world makes male reviewers uncomfortable. Whatever the case, sci-fi fans should definitely give Aeon Flux a chance. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 3:12 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Tuesday, January 23

DVD Review: Walking Tall

I like The Rock. He's handsome and sleek in a way that other muscle-bound stars are not, conveying both strength and speed. He doesn't come off as a brutal thug by just looking at him, unless he's standing next to someone else. And because Johnson is famous for arching his eyebrow in ironic "am I for real or what?" pose, he's able to pull off comedy by standing next to someone considerably smaller, like Knoxville.

Walking Tall has both heart and muscle, a feel-good tale about a tough guy who stands up for his hometown in an era when nobody seems to be standing up for anything anymore. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 8:17 AM | 0 comments links to this post


DVD Review: March of the Penguins

Babies die. Parents starve to death. And couples struggle to raise their children in a harsh world. This is March of the Penguins. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 8:16 AM | 0 comments links to this post


Saturday, January 20

DVD Review: Chicken Little

Chicken Little is Disney’s first fully rendered computer graphics animation, throwing in its hat to compete with the Pixar folks (who once worked with Disney, but no longer). Now that these kinds of movies have become ubiquitous--see any movies about talking fuzzy animals lately?--there's actually a standard to compare these films. Unfortunately for the competition, Pixar has set the bar very high. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 2:54 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Sunday, January 7

DVD Review: Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story

If you watch Dodgeball with your buddies and a case of beer, it definitely earns five stars. But in comparison to other funny movies, like say, Team America: World Police, Dodgeball misses the mark. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 6:01 PM | 0 comments links to this post


DVD Review: Team America: World Police

Team America mows down anything and everything with a no holds barred approach. If you take yourself a little too seriously, chances are you’ll find this movie offensive or irrelevant. But if you aren’t afraid to laugh at the inanities of the modern world, as viewed through the seriously warped lens of big-budget action movies, then you’ll probably enjoy Team America: World Police as a hilarious romp through a decade our descendants will most assuredly find amusing. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 6:00 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Thursday, December 21

DVD Review: Wedding Crashers

Wedding Crashers is one of those sneaky movies that is much more clever in concept than it is in practice. Fooling men (who only see the trailers and figure it’s a comedy) and women (who talk to each other about the movie and thus know what it’s actually about) into seeing the same film is a stroke of pure genius. This is probably why Wedding Crashers did so well: it’s a chick flick disguised as a guy’s movie. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 8:23 AM | 0 comments links to this post


Sunday, November 26

DVD Review: House of 1,000 Corpses

Zombie obviously has a lot to prove, as evidenced by his gonzo style of filmmaking. There's a lot of "fades to pastel" (that's the only way I can describe it) instead of fading to black and white. There's a creepy clown. And there's plenty of down home wisecrackin', clownin', cannibalism, sadistic acts, and some science fiction crap thrown in at the end. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 7:30 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Sunday, October 22

DVD Review: Mean Girls

The extras on the DVD really make Mean Girls shine, especially an interview with the original author of Queen Bees and Wannabes, Rosalind Wiseman. The extras elevate Mean Girls from teen comedy to smart social commentary. It's worth viewing for anyone who has a teen girl…or is one. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 5:58 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Saturday, October 21

DVD Review: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Overall, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a serviceable slasher flick. Unfortunately, in a world where the slasher is a Hollywood icon, TCM has nothing new to add and thus ends up recycling and dumbing down the tropes it first established. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 11:31 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Tuesday, October 3

DVD Review: High Crimes

LESSER CHARGES: Unbelievable plot points (a civilian lawyer defending her military husband?), choppy editing (what does the break-in have to do with anything?), cheesy music that telegraphs When Bad Things Are About to Happen (TM), characters that appear out of nowhere and then disappear until conveniently needed, and really stupid terror tactics by the shadowy bad guys.

Your honor, I find High Crimes guilty of all of the above charges and recommend both Judd and Freeman be given better acting opportunities, Yuri Zelster and Grace Cary Bickley sent to writing school, and director Carl Franklin sentenced to acting in the Alf Christmas Special…again. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 10:11 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Saturday, September 16

DVD Review: Anchorman

Anchorman is all over the place. It pokes fun at news shows, like how they all hate each other like 50s gangs (and imagines them duking it out with bats in alleys). It jokes about how the intelligence requirements to become a weatherman (Brick has an IQ of 48 and is "what some people call mentally retarded.") It mocks 70s fashion (Look at those shoes! That moustache! Those slacks!). It painfully wrangles with the struggle of equality in the workplace. Sometimes it's about the love between a man and a woman…and sometimes it's about the love between a man and his dog. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 11:11 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Wednesday, September 13

DVD Review: They

For all its flaws, They is still a pretty good creepfest. It's just not a very satisfying movie, and after awhile the heroine's histrionics become irritating enough that you start rooting for the monsters to eat her. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 7:55 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Tuesday, September 12

Movie Review: The Illusionist

Overall, The Illusionist is a tight film of big ideas wrapped in the Victorian veneer of the old world. Just like the stagecraft Eisenheim performs, The Illusionist proves that sometimes, perception really is reality. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 9:24 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Tuesday, August 29

Movie Review: The Descent

Lord John Whorfin once said that character is "who you are in the dark." We get the answer in Descent. Despite the attractive actresses playing the roles, this movie is literally a descent into the dark recesses of the soul. What they find there ain't pretty. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 8:30 AM | 0 comments links to this post


Monday, August 28

DVD Review: Secretary

Although it's certainly not for everybody, Secretary puts an entertaining twist on the usual boy meets girl format. It's more girl meets boy, boy spanks girl, and they live happily ever after. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 10:00 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Tuesday, July 25

DVD Review: May

May is one of those rare brand of movies that is both horror and drama, parable and slasher flick. Director Lucky McKee comments that "there's a lot of raw, personal stuff here" and it shows, in bloody, angry, pathetic, beautiful detail, from the spring-loaded fake blade that Adam plays with to the aching loneliness of a blind child in the park. McKee's masterpiece, like Donnie Darko, may well define its own genre. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 8:24 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Thursday, July 20

Movie Review: Pirates of the Caribbean

Pirates of the Caribbean is fun, but fun in a not quite mature, making funny faces kind of way. It could have been better, and it leaves nothing resolved; sorry guys, but I don't consider fighting the Kraken to be an actual plot resolution. The third movie better be unbelievably fantastic to make up for it. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 8:30 AM | 0 comments links to this post


Monday, July 17

DVD Review: The Astronaut's Wife

This movie is a blatant rip-off (or homage, if you think it's good) of Rosemary's Baby. This explains Theron's pageboy haircut, but doesn't excuse anything else. The battle of wills between husband and wife is really a battle of viewer's patience. Will she escape her husband? Will Jillian abort the children? Does anyone care? [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 7:25 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Sunday, July 16

DVD Review: Double Jeopardy

The best part of the film is when Libby, dressed to the nines, confronts her husband at a charity auction. If the film were half as good as that scene, it would have been truly something. Instead, we have a lackluster script, a flimsy premise, and the talents of Tommy Lee Jones wasted on what amounts to the Female Fugitive. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 11:07 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Sunday, June 4

DVD Review: Boogie Nights

Boogie Nights is one of those films, in the vein of Blow, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, and Requiem for a Dream, that stares unflinchingly at something ugly and asks us to follow along without blinking. When it's the porn industry, it's hard not to blink. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 3:31 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Movie Review: X-Men: The Last Stand

X-Men’s not a deep film, though its premise could be applied to everything from the war on terror to racism to gay rights. Instead, it opts to be a comic book movie, no more or less than the comic itself: lots of superpowers, a lot of brawling, and snippy asides. If anything, this third movie is truer to the comics than the first two. If you need further proof, stay through the end of the credits. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 2:23 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Sunday, May 21

DVD Review: The 40-Year-Old Virgin

There are very few subjects I get defensive about. I'm secure enough in my own beliefs that I don't fuss over any one stereotype in the media. Except when it comes to geeks.

I really, really dislike the "jock" mentality that so often permeates popular culture, casting geeks as introverted serial killers in the making. Thus, I gave The 40-Year-Old Virgin a wide berth. Eventually, a friend lent us the DVD. Secure in the knowledge that the studio wasn't making any money from my viewing, I sat down and watched the film. I'm glad I did. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 12:53 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Movie Review: Poseidon

I don't remember the original Poseidon Adventure very well, but it was a very detached experience, much less horror and much more of a character study. Fortunately, director Wolfgang Petersen isn't interested in showing how good an actor can mime hysterics. Instead, he goes for the throat; this is a disaster film and it looks like it: dead bodies float everywhere. When the ship flips, everything flips with it, and we can never forget that our protagonists are upside-down because every sign, door, and table is the wrong way. And then there's the water.

Gurgling, growling, snaking through shafts, suffused with flames; water has never been so terrifying. The survivors must swim through a conflagration, in the dark, through a nettle of wires, past floating dead bodies, and at one point, hold their breath to the breaking point. It is horrible. It is undoubtedly realistic. It is a disaster movie with a capital D. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 9:32 AM | 0 comments links to this post


Friday, May 19

DVD Review: Serenity

I tried to walk away from this movie, but Serenity wouldn't let me.

My wife rented Serenity after watching it at a science fiction convention, but the DVD skipped at a critical part. She was so frustrated that she got up and left. So she finally rented Serenity from Netflix and, on Mother's Day, brought it over to watch with my parents. I had no intention of watching the movie.

I was about to go upstairs and do something else. But I forgot whatever it was I planned to do. I stood on the stairs, looking over my shoulder as the credits rolled. And I stood there for five minutes, transfixed. A few minutes later, I sat down and watched the whole film.

Serenity's that good. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 6:04 PM | 1 comments links to this post


Tuesday, May 16

DVD Review: The Grudge

Although The Grudge is most certainly not a copy of The Ring, there are enough similarities to make comparisons inevitable. Besides the simplistic titles ("The NOUN, a new Japanese horror, coming to a theater near you!"), both films feature crawling girls with long hair covering their faces, a viral curse, and ghosts that defy the traditional boundary of staying in their respective haunted houses. The climax is even similar: both heroines struggle to save the male love interest before he too becomes infected. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 10:59 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Sunday, April 23

Movie Review: Silent Hill

The end is somewhat predictable and contrived, leaving it open to a sequel. And really, Silent Hill isn't that bad of a horror movie. It resorts to the slow terror of awfulness; not the oogity-boogity shrieking attacks common to what passes for horror these days. In that respect Silent Hill is an achievement: a horror film that is content to horrify. It's Hellraiser for the gamer set, and that's not such a bad thing.

Now if they could only find something for Sean Bean to do… [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 8:25 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Sunday, April 2

DVD Review: Twisted

So we have a gorgeous female cop who sleeps around, yet there are very few bedroom scenes. We have a serial killer plot that is connected by red herrings (Who is that lady across the street? Why does Jessica fiddle with a cigarette but never light it?). On one hand, the cops are strictly by the book; they make a big deal out of the fact that Jessica kicks a serial killer in the face. On the other hand, nobody pulls Jessica off the case when she's a prime suspect, nor watch her home when the serial killer is obviously following her around.

Neither sleazy or highbrow, gritty or moralistic, Twisted is so boring, it gets bored with itself. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 11:19 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Movie Review: V for Vendetta

On a visceral level, this film could just have been about the title: revenge. But it's so much more than that. The touch of the Wachowski brothers is everywhere, from the dialogue to the camera shots, beautifully panning, teasing, titillating and mocking with every shot, every sound, and every line. V is an English-major's protagonist, spouting alliterations and quoting Shakespeare. Dressed in a Guy Fawkes mask and voiced with honeyed tones by Weaving, he's instantly likable and frightening, a madcap spirit who heralds the clarion call of change. See, now they've got me doing it! [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 10:48 PM | 1 comments links to this post


DVD Review: Saw II

In the end, this sequel can't possibly duplicate the taut thrills of Saw because it's actually two films awkwardly mashed together. And it has Wahlberg. Given the conclusion, perhaps we have finally seen the end of my arch nemesis.

But I doubt it. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 10:00 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Friday, March 31

DVD Review: Saw

Is it gross? Not really. Other than the thought of how disgusting some things are, the "wet" factor is it relatively mild. Is it scary? Definitely. There's enough gruesome traps and awful choices that one of them is bound to strike a nerve with every viewer, enough to make your skin crawl. In that respect, Saw is a resounding success. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 7:38 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Wednesday, March 29

Movie Review: Flightplan

The subtle message throughout Flightplan is that despite our heightened awareness of terrorist, we rarely pay attention to each other. It's easy to focus on the dark-skinned man with the beard, but apparently much harder to keep track of a blonde mother and her daughter. Why? Because we don't SEE her anymore, even though she's right in front of us. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 8:27 PM | 0 comments links to this post


Saturday, March 18

DVD Review: I, Claudius

What makes I, Claudius such a fantastic miniseries is the quality of its actors. Sure, you can watch it to see young Patrick Stewart and John Rhys-Davies in their prime, but that's missing the point. It's the actors who make this miniseries so watchable, from the husband/wife bickering of Augustus (Brian Blessed) and Livia (Sian Phillips), the weary bitterness of Tiberius (George Baker), the utter madness of Caligula (John Hurt), or Claudius himself, played with weary patience by Derek Jacobi. This isn't just filmmaking, it's a snapshot in time of when actors actually acted. Sometimes, the camera stays on an actor for up to 20 minutes straight, without a cutaway scene. [MORE]

Labels:

posted by talien at 7:58 PM | 0 comments links to this post



Links


Blogroll


Archives

Powered by Blogger