I have tremendous respect for Frank Miller, having been exposed to his reimagining of Batman at an early age. Miller infused Batman with mature dignity, heavy with grief over what he was doing but doing it anyway. No wonder, then, that the tale of the 300 Spartans at Thermopylae appealed to him enough to create a graphic novel.

I've heard that comics were originally movie story boards that someone decided to sell, so it's no wonder that, when the director has respect for Miller's material (as Robert Rodriguez did with Sin City), the end result is nothing short of breathtaking. But there's a lot of ego and a lot of money in Hollywood, and it takes a clear-minded director to subsume his own inclinations and stay true to Miller's material. Zack Snyder follows in Rodriguez's footsteps and the end result...

Well the end result was a theater packed with kids, who, five minutes into the film, become utterly silent.

The movie's plot is somewhat beside the point. 300's really an experience, not a movie. It's everything cool about Gladiator's war against the barbarian tribes, everything amazing about Achilles' fighting style and six-pack abs in Troy, all the special effects of Clash of the Titans brought up to date for the modern age, everything terrifying about the villain from Stargate, and a whole heap of the Lord of the Rings' saber rattling wrapped up into one glorious, bloody fight to the death.

Squeamish about gore? This movie is not for you. 300 doesn't just show you death, it rolls around in it and makes it beautiful. Limbs, heads, entrails...all of it spatters and smears on screen.

Don't like violence? This movie is not for you. 300 kills and kills and kills, and when the bodies are heaped so high that you can make a wall out of them, it kills everybody else too.

Machismo annoys you? This movie is not for you. Men joke as they skewer their helpless enemies, make fun of Athenian "boy lovers," and keep a running murder tally for who can rack up the most kills. Gimli and Legolas would be jealous.

Want to be politically correct? This movie is not for you. 300 is a retelling of a Greek war from the perspective of the Greeks. Persians are the enemy, and they are demonized in every way imaginable, both figuratively (the Immortals wear demonic masks) and literally (yep, that's a goat-headed monster playing the flute).

300 is about a leader and his 299 best friends standing to the last to do what's right, to bow to no man when every logic dictates otherwise, to die for king and yes, country because history will remember you as a hero. Back when we remembered what heroes were. And you find yourself cheering, because this is how many men secretly wish they could die...not in a hospital, not walking across the street, but with a sword in their hand and piles of enemies at their feet.

I loved the movie. My brother loved the movie. My sister-in-law loved the movie. My pregnant wife loved the movie too.

And the other 296 kids in the audience? They gave it a standing ovation.