<br />Paranormal Response Unit<br /><br />

Review of Terror Train

I have no idea why I rented Terror Train. I suspect it was because it's considered a horror classic. And in that regard viewing the film has been quite educational.

Having already established Jamie Lee Curtis' reputation as a Scream Queen in Halloween, Curtis took the cinema by storm in no less than three horror movies in 1980: The Fog, Prom Night, and Terror Train.

Terror Train's premise is interesting: college frat boys and sorority girls foist a cruel prank on a freshman (Kenny), snapping his fragile mind. Kenny, you see, actually killed someone else once before attending college, although "they couldn't prove he did it." How do you know someone killed someone if you can't prove he did it? Shh! Suffice it to say that Kenny is an unbalanced killer who has it out for the students who pulled that cruel prank. Fortunately, the students help Kenny in his revenge by all throwing a costume party on an old train three years after the incident.

So there we have it. We know who the killer is and where the killing is going to take place. Like all good horror films, Terror Train already has its villains' motivation and the audience's sympathy. There's no need to show each student being a jerk; they are all guilty simply by participating in the original prank. The train hasn't been modernized, so it has no radio, isolating the victims. And of course, the costume party allows Kenny to walk amongst his prey with ease.

Thing is, Terror Train isn't interested in playing by the rules it creates. There's a possible foil in the guise of Ken, the stage magician (David Copperfield failing to act…God help us all). Surely the master of stage acts is the killer, right? Right?!

Poor Kenny. He has so many challenges to overcome: physical barriers, train doors, blood stains, dead bodies, logic, and the laws of physics, to name a few. Fortunately, Kenny has some help from the director, who allows him to teleport from car to car, quick-change into any costume at will, silently murder people with his bare hands, and clean up a bloody bathroom in record time. Move over Dexter, Kenny can change into his crime fighting costume AND clean up his mess – give that man his own show!

But alas, it is not to be. Kenny has to contend with dark scenes of people running on a train, boring scenes of Copperfield's magic tricks, more boring scenes of students getting drunk or high, a random piercing whistle of a train, and a nosy conductor who likes to perform magic tricks of his own.

The surprise twist at the end is notable only in that Terror Train probably did it first. But by that point you won't care. And oh yeah…

SPOILER ALERT

Kenny dies at the end.

Between you and me, I think he jumped.

Labels: Slasher Reviews

talien 2:24 PM

Dexter: The Complete Second Season

I've already mentioned my tenuous link to the Dexter crew in my review of Season One, so I'll just skip to why I love this show so much: because it's fearless.

This season takes many of the established tropes that make Dexter's life (Michael C. Hall) as a vigilante/serial killer plausible and tosses them out the window. Everything that was a minor annoyance in the first season is amped up to 11. Dexter's dumping ground for corpses, a quaint little spot in the ocean that nobody ever noticed, gets noticed. Officer Doakes (Erik King), who was openly hostile to Dexter, becomes a very real threat. Harry's Code, which keeps Dexter on the mostly-straight and somewhat-narrow path, comes into question. LaGuerta (Lauren Velez) stoops to new lows to get her old job back. And Dexter's sister Debra (Jennifer Carpenter), who was always annoying to begin with, moves in with him to become even more annoying.

The show doesn't forget its past. Debra is traumatized by the fact that she almost married a serial killer; the characters regularly forget the incident and stumble over apologies as they make insensitive remarks. Dexter greatly misses his serial-killer brother, the only person who understood him. Until he finds a new soul mate: Lila (Jaime Murray).

Lila seems to rub a lot of people the wrong way (or the right way, if you like brunettes). She's gorgeous in a goth fashion, completely uninhibited, and madly in love with the Dexter she doesn't see. She's also a complete loon. All these attributes make her a perfect fit for Dexter...except Dexter is very much a family man, a killer who would never harm children, who despite his violent excesses surrounds himself with the trappings of family. Lila throws in sharp relief what vestiges of Dexter's personality are decent, and as such she's a perfect foil for season 2.

The other breakout character is Doakes. Once Doakes unearths Dexter's past, the two come to an understanding. Throughout the season are philosophical arguments that detail each man's past in a game of one-upmanship. Who is worse: the special ops soldier who murders people he's ordered to kill, or the vigilante who uses free will to determine whom he executes? We don't get a clear answer, only more questions.

There are some entertaining nods to the field of serial killer investigation. Don Foster (Author Unknown: On the Trail of Anonymous) gets a shout-out...and is soundly, brutally mocked for his language analysis, sorry Don. So does Bob Ressler (Whoever Fights Monsters) in the form of Special Agent Frank Lundy (Keith Carradine). An awkward but believable subplot develops between Lundy and Debra, just further exemplifying that none of Dexter's heroes are one-dimensional, but fully developed and all too humanly flawed.

We tore through this season on our Netflix list, clearing out our queue to ensure we could watch all the DVDs back to back. The show is that good.

Labels: Slasher Reviews

talien 12:45 PM

Darkly Dreaming Dexter

My day job happened to have a connection to the Dexter show - the sister of one of my coworkers worked on the set. My curiosity was already piqued by the premise of a serial killer turned vigilante, and I thought that as a show it would either be a marvelous achievement or a glorious disaster. Since it was on Showtime, and I don't get Showtime, I didn't get the chance to find out.

Eventually, Dexter came out on DVD and much to my relief the show was phenomenal. Dexter is every bit as charming and cold-blooded as you might expect from a sympathetic psychopath, and his occasional narrative aside serves to add both humor and horror to the events on screen. And those events are the political machinations of the Miami Police Department.

Dexter was raised by his foster father and former cop, Harry, to follow a particular code. This code regulates everything Dexter does, from how he dresses to whom he kills. Dexter's bloody murders are further complicated by his beard of a girlfriend, Rita, his half-sister Deborah, and his day job as a blood spatter analyst. Then one day a serial killer starts committing murders with an underlying message, a message meant only for Dexter. And then things get REALLY complicated...

The show is surprisingly true to the book. Every character is there just as I imagined them, except one: the main antagonist. In the television series, Dexter's antithesis is smart, conniving, believable, and capable of far worse than Dexter himself. In the book, he's a one-note ghoul who, in the span of five pages or so, expounds upon his entire background, his reason for killing and tempting Dexter, and their relationship.

And therein lay the problem. Darkly Dreaming Dexter tries to be both an ironic reflection of our fascination with serial killers and a murder mystery, but the mystery is severely lacking. Lindsay can only come up with "maybe Dexter's committing the murders in his sleep." It's telling that the producers of the television series discarded that notion right away, choosing instead to introduce the villain gradually.

The other problem is that the book escalates a conflict in Dexter's personal and professional life to such a level that it's something of a cheat; killing an antagonist off is easy, defeating them is hard. The end of Darkly Dreaming Dexter doesn't even give us closure with the other serial killer. He just gets away, leaving the reader with an unsatisfying conclusion and the creeping feeling that Dexter's personable façade has been completely discredited.

Nevertheless, Dexter is a marvelous read. As narrator, Dexter himself toys with language, using alliteration at it fancies him. As an author, Lindsay's writing skills are above par, and some of his descriptions are almost poetic.

Given the choice between the two though, I'll stick with television Dexter, thanks.

Labels: Slasher Reviews

talien 12:44 PM

Dexter: The First Season

Sometimes I find connections to Hollywood in the strangest places. In the case of Dexter, it was at my day job. Now my office job is not normally the place one associates with a show like Dexter, but it turns out that the sister of the guy I worked with worked on the show. The fact that the show is on Showtime and thus can portray gore and violence as appropriate to the medium (like HBO's Rome, for example) piqued my curiosity. Unfortunately, it took me over a year to actually view season one. I'm sorry I waited so long.

I've done enough research on serial killers (and their fictional cousin, slashers) to know that they're easy to mess up. And an entire season about a serial killer from the serial killer's perspective is fraught with peril. Fortunately, Dexter hits all the right notes to keep an audience engaged for the entire season.

Dexter Mogran (Michael C. Hall) is a serial killer with a cause. His father, Harry (James Remar) recognized his adopted son's homicidal tendencies and trained him to stalk the most despicable of prey. These were the lowest of the low, the scum that Harry in his job as a cop saw frequently escape justice. Dexter became a Final Solution of sorts, eliminating people neatly and efficiently while at the same time fulfilling insatiable desire for bloodshed. Literally.

In his day job, Dexter is a blood spatter analyst. He works side-by-side with his adopted sister, Debra (Jennifer Carpenter), probably the most annoying character in the show. And yet, she's annoying on purpose - her frail, waif-like reactions to men and the rigors of her job make her alternately pathetic and vulnerable, feral and misguided. In short, she needs Dexter's calm, creepy presence. Rounding out the cast is career-climbing Maria Laguerta (Lauren Velez), coworkers Angel Batista (David Zayas) and Vince Masuka (C.S. Lee, formerly of the show Chuck) and my favorite character, foul-mouthed Sergeant James Doakes (Erik King). Doakes is the only person who sees Dexter for what he is, but he can't prove it.

Dexter feigns a personal life as well. He has a girlfriend, Rita Bennett (Julie Benz), whose last relationship was so emotionally scarring that she fears intimacy, which suits Dexter just fine. Indeed, all of Dexter's life is an act, from the jokes he cracks to the donuts he brings to the pleasantries he exchanges with Rita. He's a monster masquerading as a person, and the only reason it's not more obvious is because everyone else has more pressing problems.

Dexter's job puts him in a unique position to both appreciate the art of the kill and find new victims. Despite his penchant for murdering his victims, Dexter's murders are relatively clean - he drains his victims of blood, hacks the pieces up, and tosses them into the ocean. And so it goes: find some sleazeball who escaped justice, kidnap him or her, murder, dump the body, repeat. Until one day, another serial killer who seems to know intimate details about Dexter's past begins sending messages through his own unique style of doll-like murders.

The ending of season one won't be a shock to observant viewers. It's not the actual ending that matters but the journey getting there. Dexter's narration is amusing and wry, his cadence just off enough that he comes across as disturbed yet functional. Surprisingly, the show isn't very gory at all. Dexter would probably be less sympathetic if we were subjected to every grisly detail. In fact, by cutting away from the most gruesome scenes, Dexter has to remind us that he's one of the bad guys - the Code of Harry is as much the anti-hero's code that we see in a multitude of other crime-fighting shows. It's a credit to the writers that Dexter is both a monstrous, damaged human being and yet still human.

Can't wait for season two!

Labels: Slasher Reviews

talien 12:43 PM

Joy Ride

We rented this movie on a whim. Didn't expect much, didn't have high expectations, were just hoping it wasn't so bad that we had to turn it off. Although, if I didn't turn off Species II while watching it, I can pretty much watch anything.

So watch it we did. And we were pleasantly horrified.

Joy Ride is about the all American road trip. One brother (Lewis, played by Paul Walker), on his way to pick up a potential future girlfriend (Venna, played by Leelee Sobieski) and thence homeward bound, finds out his older brother (Fuller, played by Steve Zahn) just got "into some trouble." That trouble involves jail time, apparently. But not for very long, because Lewis bails him out.

On the way across the U.S., the two boys get into trouble by pretending they're women on the CB. The brothers go one step further than usual man-boy antics by inviting a lonely trucker over to the hotel room of another jerk who crossed their path.

Hilarity ensues.

Okay, actually, the pissed off trucker, angry that he's not getting laid by "Candycane" rips off the other man's jaw in a rage. He gets points for creativity.

The above summary does not do the movie justice. There's great tension, slow camera pans, and moments of building suspsense -- one of them just focusing on an odd picture on a wall. But we're listening to what's going on BEHIND the wall.

Joy Ride is about anonymity. I relate to the issue because my Master's thesis was about just that: what you do when you're anonymous. It can be empowering when you're the anonymous one, or terrifying when someone anonymous stalks you. And that's exactly what happens in Joy Ride.

Joy Ride has its flaws. The brothers, Fuller specifically, borders on being an unlikable jerk that you begin to hope gets killed. But the characters redeem themselves by acting like real people. They freak out, call the police, run screaming, shout for management -- they do everything *I* would do if I was being stalked by a 300 lb., 6-foot tall sexually repressed trucker. It's the actions that get them in trouble when you lose sympathy for them...until you realize just how horrible the angry trucker is.

Poor Leelee is supposed to be the eyecandy in the film (or, as the trucker puts it, the Candycane in this film). She's cute, but she's far too intelligent -- in her manner and her appearance -- to come off as the doe-eyed victim. Her role doesn't even require that much acting (for most of the film, she's drunk).

Nevertheless, Joy Ride is just plain scary. If you've ever been afraid of being stranded on the road, if you've ever been one of those little [disagreeable persons] who taunted truckers on CBs (I was one, sadly), and if you've listened to the hotel room next door wondering if people are making out or killing each other...you'll like this horror film.

Labels: Slasher Reviews

talien 12:42 PM

Vacancy

In the era of what has been dubbed "torture porn," it was only a matter of time before someone tried to take a serious crack at creating a disturbing thriller that's well acted and more about survival vs. watching the victims all die.

Amy (Kate Beckinsale, doing a great job of acting terrified instead of just sitting pretty) and David (Luke Wilson, who earns his acting kudos here) Fox have recently lost a child to an accident. Their marriage is falling apart and they have just come back from a family party where they had to pretend things were fine. Thus we have dramatic tension as the two bicker, driving to God-knows-where in the middle of the night.

(Welcome to Spoilertown! All who fear learning what happens to this couple should leave now.)

When their car breaks down, the Foxs are forced to stop at a local motel. Only this motel isn't ordinary. The guy at the front desk, Mason (Frank Whaley) is clearly a creep. In fact, he's so creepy that he walks out of a video room to a rising crescendo of a woman's shrieks. Refreshingly, there's nothing hidden here; everything about Mason screams "I am a serial killer" but our protagonists are running out of options and are too distracted by their own personal grievance. So they stay at the mostly deserted hotel.

Agitated by their circumstances, David pops a video into the VCR and discovers that he's watching a snuff film. A snuff film takes place in the very room they're in.

And thus our protagonists are thrust into a life-and-death struggle. Refreshingly, David has a level head on his shoulders and works through each step. If the killers left the video in the room, they knew whoever stayed there would see it, so they clearly have the upper hand. If the killers appear from off camera in the film, then clearly there's a means of entering the room they're not aware of. And since there's so many videotapes laying around, these guys have been at it for a while.

Vacancy does toy with our sensibilities, be it the cop who never calls for backup, the ability to survive gaping stomach wounds, or loaded pistols hanging in the lobby...but it's easy to forgive. Every twist and turn, every desperate attempt, is riveting. Best of all, sometimes our protagonists' gambits simply fail, with horrible consequences. Despite the premise, there really isn't much gore.

Vacancy is a particularly disturbing breed of horror. I've been at hotels where someone banged on the door in the middle of the night. I've been at hotels where the people in the next room sound like they're doing something illegal. I've been at hotels where the front desk is behind Plexiglas with cameras everywhere. Vacancy's premise blends the perfect cocktail of emotional and physical isolation with the fact that some hotels are just plain nasty.

In a way, Vacancy is a riff on the entire genre, because that's precisely what our protagonists end up doing...watching snuff films over and over to see what NOT to do.

Labels: Slasher Reviews

talien 12:42 PM

Disturbia

I knew that Disturbia was loosely based on Rear Window, which is essentially a murder mystery from the perspective of a peeping tom. The protagonist is confined to a house and thus can only interpret his surroundings through sight and sound at a distance; he eventually comes to suspect that his neighbor is a murderer.

That's about all there is in common between the two films. Disturbia has to do some fancy footwork to get the concept to work today. With kids having more freedom and more information access than ever before, isolating a character is a challenge. This is true of most horror these days--ubiquitous cell phones mean it's more difficult to create the sense of isolation so critical to horror.

But Disturbia pulls it off. Kale (Shia LaBeouf) and his father Daniel's (Matt Craven) fishing trip is cut brutally short by a car accident that kills Kale's dad. Kale is emotionally isolated from his peers at school, who can't possibly understand what he's been through.

Flash forward a year later and Kale, who seemed bright and cheerful, is now an introverted, angry young man. When a high school teacher pushes his buttons, Kale responds with violence. That violence puts Kale under house arrest, physically isolating him. Thanks to his ankle bracelet, Kale can't run more than a few hundred feet without the police being alerted.

Kale's mother, Julie (the delectable Carrie-Anne Moss), wants to ensure that this house arrest is punishment. After all, how many kids would be perfectly happy sitting indoors, playing Xbox, listening to their iPod, and watching television all day? Julie revokes all entertainment privileges, leaving Kale with nothing to do but stare out the window.

This is all happening during summer vacation, so Kale's now socially isolated too, with only his friend Ronnie (Aaron Yoo) as company. That means no parties and no dating. Never mind that his hot neighbor, Ashley (Sarah Roemer) leaves her blinds open and is fond of taking swims in skimpy bathing suits. Or that she likes to host parties for the cool kids. Kale couldn't attend if he wanted to.

Kale's isolation is complete and now on par with L.B. Jeffries from Rear Window, who was physically disabled and a photographer to boot.

Disturbia cleverly turns the first part of the film into a teen drama. Kale has a crush on Ashley, who eventually discovers that he's spying on her and boldly comes over to visit. She too is isolated, having just moved into town--surely every teenage boy's dream of having the first shot at a hot girl!

Once the Scooby gang of Kale, Ashley, and Ronnie is established, the plot really starts rolling. Robert Turner (David Morse, looking more dangerous and creepy than ever) also moved in next store. When the murders of a serial killer with a fondness for redheads are broadcast on the evening news, Kale starts to wonder about his neighbor's late night activities.

What ensues is an exercise in YouTube-culture. Kale sets about spying on his neighbor with zeal. Ashley and Ronnie get in on the act, following Robert around and even breaking into his car and house. Disturbia asks us: when is it okay to violate someone else's privacy? And doesn't the right to privacy mean that very bad people get to do horrible things in private?

Like any good thriller, Disturbia relies heavily on its actors. LaBeouf carries the film, alternately sarcastic, voyeuristic, pathetic, bored, romantic, and angry -- just like so many teenage boys. Morse turns his sad, lonely demeanor into a creepy vibe that makes you feel dirty just listening to him.

Older thrillers had the luxury of time. With shorter attention spans and less tolerance for reality-straining conventions, once the tipping point is reached, Disturbia turns into an all out slasher-fest. And that's oddly appropriate, even cathartic, for thrillers of the millennial generation. Once the truth is on video, it spreads like wildfire.

There's a moment in the film where Robert calmly explains how he likes his privacy and why it's so important to him. And that's the moment where the generation gap is drawn in Disturbia: Robert, the silver-haired Boomer, disturbs the younger generation with his need for privacy. Kale, the Generation Y millennial, doesn't comprehend the notion at all. Disturbia is as much a thriller as it is a commentary on a culture clash between two different generations, forced to figure out how to coexist in modern suburbia.

Labels: Slasher Reviews

talien 12:42 PM

Zodiac

Zodiac begins on July 4, 1969. The Zodiac Killer shoots two young lovers, slaying a woman but not the man. A month later, a letter written by the Zodiac Killer arrives at the San Francisco Chronicle. Paul Avery (Robert Downey Jr.) covers the story while the cartoonist Robert Graysmith (Jake Gyllenhaal) struggles to decrypt the Zodiac's ciphers.

The Zodiac Killer's murders take place throughout California, a fact that muddles the case further as the various police departments and sheriff offices struggle to work together. The investigators include San Francisco police detectives Dave Toschi (Mark Ruffalo) and Bill Armstrong (Anthony Edwards), Vallejo detective Jack Mualanax (Elias Koteas), and Napa detective (Donal Logue).

The Zodiac Killer's murders are particularly noteworthy because there was a constant discourse between the serial killer and the media. The Zodiac Killer's threats included puzzles (his ciphers), creepy details about his murders (bloody bits of cloth), and finally threats against school buses full of children. In short, the Killer manipulates the media as deftly as Paris Hilton on a reality show.

The movie skips ahead as the years go by and the case grows cold. Evidence gathering techniques are sorely outdated or questionably biased, detectives on the case move on, and everyone but Graysmith is determined to find the real killer.

What's intriguing about Zodiac is how it manages to combine the fact-finding wonkiness of CSI with the thrilling suspense of Silence of the Lambs. Fincher manages to balloon the Zodiac Killer into a pernicious boogeyman who is every potential suspect and behind every murder. And that may literally be true: one theory is that the Zodiac Killer took credit for murders he didn't commit. A roadside encounter between a woman with her infant child and a mysterious stranger is one of the scariest moments on film (for new parents like me, anyway).

And it's all true. In an era where Ed Gein's murders have been spun into the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the relevance and reality of Zodiac makes the movie even more frightening. Although the murders were never pinned on a particular person, Graysmith (also the author of the novel) makes a convincing case for Arthur Leigh Allen.

Was it really Arthur? We'll never know. Zodiac isn't about wrapping up the film with an easy villain. It's about the price of living in a media-saturated culture where, for three years, the scariest reality show took place not on our televisions but in handful of towns in northern California.

Labels: Slasher Reviews

talien 12:41 PM

Whoever Fights Monsters: My Twenty Years Tracking Serial Killers for the FBI

For those of you who are not big fans of serial killers and the people who catch them (or at least won't admit it publicly), Bob Ressler is the guy who invented the term "Serial Killer" and helped usher in a new understanding of repeat criminals and why they do what they do. The citizens of the U.S. owe a lot to Bob. So does Thomas Harris, who interviewed him extensively for Manhunter and Silence of the Lambs.

Alas, truth is stranger than fiction, and the tales Ressler tells are positively awful. There' just one problem: we've heard all of this before.

Where? That'd be "Mindhunter: Inside the FBI's Elite Serial Crime Unit," by John E. Douglas, a man I can only assume was Ressler's protégé. It's a bit murky as to their relationship (the two reference each other, but not often). The parallels are unmistakable-it's interesting to read the opinions of two different people interviewing the same serial killer.

For example, Douglas has a bit of a creepy admiration for Ed Kemper. Kemper had a diabolical mind that he put to good use, such that eventually he figured out why he was killing women: because he hated his mother. So Kemper did what every good serial killer would do in such a situation...he killed her too. His murders "finished," Kemper called the police and gave himself up.

That little story is from Douglas' point of view. It almost makes Kemper out to be a sympathetic figure. A six-foot tall, 300 pound sympathetic figure, but sympathetic nonetheless.

Ressler is not so kind. Ressler interviews Kemper alone at one point. Having finished the interview, Ressler rings for the guard...but nobody comes. Sensing his discomfort, Kemper explains how he could probably screw Ressler's head off with his bare hands and nobody would be able to do anything about it. Kemper goes on to explain how he has nothing to lose and how, by killing an FBI agent, he'd get quite a bit of "prison cred." Fortunately, Ressler keeps a cool head (and keeps his head) by playing the little mind game right back at the massive serial killer until the guards escort him out.

"You know I was only kidding, right?" says Kemper, putting a hand on Ressler's shoulder.

Whoever Fights Monsters is a lot like that. It simultaneously takes on tough subjects, summarizes them from a clinical perspective, and then reminds you-sometimes quite sternly-that these people are murderers. Where Douglas tends to talk about himself and the heavy toll that dealing with serial killers took on his own personal psyche, Ressler is much more detached and observant. Douglas advocates the death penalty, Ressler does not. Douglas embraces the glory and publicity of being a trailblazer in his field, Ressler worries about the depersonalization of the victims and the celebrity-status of the killers themselves. Who's right?

There are no right answers here. Of the two books, Douglas' is more entertaining because he chooses to be more dramatic. The two books track each other very closely, such that if you've read one, you probably don't need to read the other one. Unlike Douglas' book, Ressler admits when he makes mistakes. He also goes into more detail as to the method and process of profiling, which is why I originally bought both books. But it's simply not as exciting a read.

Nevertheless, Ressler's tale is an important one: serial killers are mistakes. They're the results of terrible human failings and something to be ashamed off, not celebrated. In that respect, Ressler's story is a more socially responsible (if not as thrilling) examination of the worst humanity has to offer.

Labels: Slasher Reviews

talien 12:40 PM

Bubba Ho-Tep

With a movie named "Bubba Ho-Tep," you know it has to be interesting. Throw in Bruce Campbell as the lead, and the Whackymeter goes off the charts.

Bubba Ho-Tep is the tale of loves lost and destinies denied. The movie opens with Elvis (Campbell) in a rest home in East Texas, having long since switched his identity with an Elvis impersonator named Sebastian (also Campbell). A broken hip lands the Real Elvis in a retirement home. And of course, he has no proof that he is truly the real Elvis because all the papers blew up in a "barbeque accident."

Elvis' one companion is JFK. Yes, that John F. Kennedy. Except that he's a black man played by Ossie Davis. And the government altered his body (from white to black) to conceal his identity. And there's sand filling the hole in his head from the assassination attempt.

Think that's weird? We haven't even gotten to the plot yet.

Stalking the retirement home is a soul-sucking mummy. The mummy was kidnapped from a local exhibit but then crashed into a nearby river. It now stalks the living, absorbing their "ka" (or was it "ba"?) through any orifice available. And when you think about it, wouldn't a retirement home be the perfect feasting ground for a creature that feeds on people? After all, nobody notices - or, director Don Coscarelli (of Phantasm fame) hints, actually cares - when the elderly die. If they happen to die a little earlier, so what?

The real terror is that the victims' souls are digested and ultimately destroyed. No afterlife for them. Nothing.

This mummy, for reasons that aren't quite fully explained, dresses in cowboy boots and a broad-brimmed hat when he stalks his prey. He is, in essence, a "bubba." Thus, Bubba Ho-Tep.

There's a lot of symbolism and parallels in this movie that make it alternately thoughtful and sad. Elvis, a symbol of male virility, now has a "cancerous growth" in a very personal place that he believes will eventually kill him. JFK, a symbol of government stability, is cast as a paranoid delusional old black man. And the mummy, an ancient being that no one remembers but is valuable enough to steal from a museum, is just trying to survive.

This movie is a lot less Evil Dead and a lot more Cocoon. We see what happens to the elderly in disturbingly accurate detail: Elvis' roommate, Bull Thomas (Harrisong Young) dies a long, slow death. His delicious but estranged daughter Callie (Heidi Marnhout) collects Bull's things, only to toss them away...including Bull's Purple Heart medal. Callie, with her short skirt and high heels, comes to represent the youth obsessed culture that has neither the time nor inclination to care for the old and infirm.

Coscarelli shows us Elvis' slow death through his own eyes. Time speeds up as nurses zip in and out of his room. It is all so meaningless and drab, such that it's only a matter of time before Elvis dies, alone and estranged from his own daughter. Just like Bull. It's a credit to the film that Bull is never forgotten.

On the other hand, there are a lot of homages to Elvis and Evil Dead. As my wife pointed out, there are some obvious parallels to what Ash experiences in Evil Dead, including a scene where Elvis chants a spell to stop the mummy. There are plenty of references to Elvis' knowledge of martial arts, his experiences in television, and the bad choices he made in his past. Elvis fans will not be disappointed.

Okay, maybe they will be a little disappointed that their beloved icon is hobbling around in a retirement home with a possible STD fighting a mummy.

Bruce Campbell does a great job as Elvis beneath makeup and fat suits. Ossie Davis plays JFK straight, an amazing feat unto itself in a movie whose plot revolves around a mummy run amok. Everyone else is suitably one-dimensional.

Alone and with only one friend, Elvis finally decides to make a stand. He watches another icon, the Lone Ranger (a guy they call Kemosabe, played by Larry Pennell) fight the mummy off and die as a result. He died, but his soul was intact.

In some sense, the mummy is the second chance for two mythological characters to take their place in history. Although the Lone Ranger was fiction, JFK and Elvis were not. However, they have become so revered and characterized that they are legends unto themselves - easily on par with the Lone Ranger. The problem is, neither JFK or Elvis were ever really that heroic. They were real people, with real flaws. With the arrival of the mummy, they have the chance to earn their heroic status and die how we would want all heroes to die - fighting evil, not rotting away in a retirement home.

Bubba Ho-Tep also has some genuinely scary moments. The mummy first manifests as a big, nasty scarab, killing a vicious old lady who steals the glasses right off of a woman in an iron lung. Then Elvis takes on the scarab mano-a-mano, and we are once again reminded of Campbell as Ash.

Bubba Ho-Tep is a slow, plodding movie. The music, the casting, and the direction is all spot on, but it is not really an action movie, a comedy, or a drama. Ultimately, Bubba Ho-Tep is a horror movie, but not in the traditional sense.

Bubba Ho-Tep is about growing old, being forgotten, and not mattering enough for people to care about you anymore. And that's horror enough.

Labels: Slasher Reviews

talien 12:39 PM

Mimic 2

I saw Mimic in the movie theaters and enjoyed it. The original plot: scientists in the near future genetically engineer bugs to stop an infestation of plague-spreading cockroaches. They called them "Mimics" because they mimicked the behavior of the roaches and were able to infiltrate their nests.

Fast-forward a few years and the Mimics have gotten out of hand. Instead of being sterile, they reproduced. And instead of just being able to mimic bugs, they are now giant-sized beetles that have an outer shell that looks a lot like a guy in an overcoat wearing a hat. In short, the Mimics started hunting us.

There was way too much religious symbolism in the first movie for my tastes (from stigmata to calling the bugs "Judas breed"), but it was a sci fi film that aimed high even if it didn't always hit the mark. Mimic 2, a direct-to-video sequel, aims low and hits its mark anyway.

A minor character from the first film, Remi (Alix Koromzay), comes back as a hard-working redheaded schoolteacher who just wants to settle down with a nice guy in a soundstage-version of New York. She has a tough time though, mostly because she seems to like bugs a little too much and talks about them a lot.

What, you don't remember Remi from the first film? Neither do I. She was part of the CDC though, so we can assume she's fallen on hard times when we see Remi traipsing through the crumbling halls of a soon-to-be-condemned school teaching weird little freaky kids that talk about being insects and killing happy families.

Remi's life is interrupted by a series of killings, all of them involving men who have their faces torn off. The handsome Officer Klaski (Bruno Campos) enters to investigate and tolerates Remi's rambling about insects just enough to create something of a spark between them.

Mimic 2 doesn't hit you over the head with the plot, which is unfortunate because sometimes you need a good whack to understand what might be obvious to the director. Apparently, there is a Mimic from the original hive (you're shocked, I know) that's attempting to build a new hive right in the condemned schoolhouse. We're supposed to infer all of this from Remi's conversations about a single soldier ant who is the last of his kind to die "without a queen."

The rules of foreshadowing demand that we understand this to mean a few things: 1) that there's just one Mimic left, 2) that it's a soldier, 3) that it's looking for a queen. If you don't catch this little dialogue and interpret it correctly, the movie doesn't really explain itself much further. In fact, there's a scene that hit the cutting room floor that's on the DVD that explains everything. Without it the movie grasps at straws.

But what about the face ripping? Here's a quote from The Thing to help you out: "Man is the warmest place to hide."

That said, there are lots of surprises, shocks, and twists in the movie. The director (Jean de Segonzac) is competent and the writing (Joel Soisson) is well done. Unfortunately, the movie seems to have bad timing. In at least two scenes, the movie gives itself away too early-by about 10 seconds in each case. What the lone Mimic soldier is doing and what it plans to do is quite sinister, but pulling off the surprise twist requires careful timing, which this movie lacks. De Segonzac has directed TV, mostly, so maybe that's part of the problem.

The characters are a mixed bag. Remi's suitably quirky, although a little TOO quirky at times. The guys she dates rate high on the creep-o-scale, a fact that of course guarantees they will all die horrible, faceless deaths. The two kids Remi struggles to protect (Nicky played by Wil Estes and Sal played by Gaven Lucas) are really one-dimensional but are suitable foils for Remi's motherly instincts. Detective Klaski is well done, as is the government agent who competes with him to exterminate the bug. When Detect Klaski encounters the Mimic, he empties his entire gun into it, grabs a gun from his ankle holster, and fires the rest of that too. Now THAT'S what a normal cop would do when faced with a giant bug!

Not that it helps. Fortunately, the special effects are sparsely used. There are occasional computer graphics, but for the most part the bug is a rubber suit just off screen. We never see it in good lighting; a good thing too, given that when we do see the big bug it looks like a guy in a suit. The director works with what he's got and uses it sparingly.

The ending is the big payoff, but your reaction to it will really depend on your perspective of the film throughout. If you think the idea of a bug taking the role of a serial killer and stalker is preposterous, the ending is so ridiculously absurd that it's just plain comical. If you think the idea of a big bug flying around trying to stick its ovipositor in your gut is disturbing, then the ending will keep you awake at night. It's all a bit misogynistic, actually, but then most stalker movies are.

Koromzay is no Mira Sorvino, but she does okay. There's a cut scene where a creepy cigarette-smoking guy who sits in the stairwell of the building explains how Remi is an "average-looking chick that guys think they have a chance with," which explains why she has so many problems. That's sums up the movie too...it knows it's a direct to video sequel and doesn't try to be more than it is.

Labels: Slasher Reviews

talien 12:34 PM

Jason X

There are those fans that want a slasher movie where Jason just hacks people up, and those fans that enjoy seeing the traditional slasher film (you know, the one that's been done nine other times already) with a new twist. Jason Goes to Hell was a throw away attempt that was semi-successful in its creativity. This time, Jason X gets a juiced up budget and a serious attempt at doing something new with everybody's favorite hockey masked serial killer.

It's telling that Jason X doesn't have Friday the 13th in the title. Jason's killings were only loosely connected to Friday the 13th anyway. Now, Jason has taken his rightful throne as the lead character. This movie is for fans that like Jason.

Just as Jason Goes to Hell took the ludicrous and made it sane by having a SWAT team blow Jason away in a trap, Jason X does the reverse: Jason has been captured, a logical outcome given that the government is aware of him, and sentenced to death. But he doesn't die.

Thus, two different government factions attempt to deal with Jason in their own way. One group, at the Crystal Lake Cryogenics Facility, wants to freeze him and "shelve him away." The other group, led by the military, want to examine Jason for his regenerative capabilities. Of course, the government gets the upper hand and Jason escapes, only to be locked into cryogenic hibernation Rowan. But Jason is unstoppable and manages to shove his machete through the steel door, wounding Rowan and causing a leak that cryogenically freezes her as well.

In 2455, the Earth has gone to crap. Exploring this barren wasteland are an archeologist and his class of attractive students, who discover Jason and Rowan and bring them back aboard their ship. Using nanite technology, they revive Rowan. Using Jason technology, he revives himself.

Slice, kill, repeat.

By moving Jason into space and using futuristic technology, there's a lot more possibilities to spice up the film. In fact, there are so many possibilities that the movie turns into a parody of Alien, right down to the EX-Grunts (Colonial Marines) and oily bureaucrat who wants to sell his find to get rich. If you're going to mimic a horror movie in space, Alien is the one to copy.

The EX-Grunts die first, then the adults, then the students. Along the way, we see more nanite technology in action, witness a female android's nipples fall off, see a holodeck in action (like Star Trek: The Next Generation), watch really big guns have no effect on Jason, and see spaceships crash into each other.

By far the most hilarious part of the movie is when the resident techie uses the holodeck to slow Jason down by creating an illusionary Camp Crystal Lake, complete with two naked teenage girls who proclaim "we love pre-marital sex!" as they climb into their sleeping bags. You know what happens next...

Ultimately, Jason gets an upgrade, when nanite technology rebuilds him into a bigger, stronger, nastier version of himself. And then he falls through the atmosphere into Earth 2. And you know what happens next...

I haven't seen all the Jason films, but I do know that they long stopped being scary and turned into campy fun at least around Jason Goes to Hell. Jason X is no different, with humorous nods to the genre and homage to Alien. The only movie that has more fun than Jason X is Freddy vs. Jason. If you're a fan of Friday the 13th or a fan of Alien, it's well worth the rental.

Labels: Slasher Reviews

talien 7:23 AM

Jason Goes to Hell

Let's get one thing straight: In Jason Goes to Hell, Jason does NOT go to hell until the very end of the movie. Unless you mean, "blown to hell," in which case he's blown to hell right at the beginning of the film. And that's sort of a summary of how Jason fans feel about this movie. You either love it for what it is, or hate it for what it tried to be.

The ninth in the series of Friday the 13th movies, this movie tries to explain why Jason's an unstoppable killing machine. Apparently, a weird little two-legged demon lives in his heart, making him unstoppable. Jason is finally caught in a trap by the FBI, who use a female decoy to lure him into an ambush. The FBI blows him to pieces. The End.

Well, not quite. The coroner examining Jason's remains is suddenly possessed by a strange urge to eat Jason's heart. That puts the demon into Mr. Coroner, who goes on a killing spree. He has but one goal: to reenter the body of another Voorhees. And Jason's sister is the first target.

"Through a Voorhees was he born... through a Voorhees may he be reborn... and only by the hands of a Voorhees will he die."

What, you didn't know Jason had a sister (played by Erin Gray)? Surprise! And his sister had a daughter. And her daughter has a baby too, which ups the stakes.

This is perhaps the only movie to feature Jason the least, because, well he's just not Jason if he's not wearing a hockey mask and wielding a machete. Instead, this movie turns into a zombie flick.

There are other characters of little consequence, but some are entertaining. The town of Crystal Lake has definitely gotten used to Jason being around - one diner makes Jason-style hamburgers and everything on the menu has something to do with the renowned serial killer.

There's also Creighton Duke, played by Steven Williams. He's a bounty hunter who is hell-bent on destroying Jason. Why? Well, we're never given his motivation, although the audio commentary explains that Jason killed his girlfriend at Crystal Lake. Trust me, it doesn't impact the plot much either way.

As Jason hops from body to body, Steven Freeman, father of Jessica Kimble's baby, risks life and limb to protect her. The climactic battle comes to a head at the Voorhees home, where the Necronomicon Ex Mortis from Army of Darkness shows up. Why? Because the producers thought it would be cool.

When Jessica grabs what looks like an ordinary knife, it transforms into the spinal dagger from Evil Dead. Why? Because the producers thought it would be cool.

Jason eventually does get his body back, by hopping into the corpse of his dead sister, Diana Kimble. So it's up to Jessica and Steven to fight Jason to the death. Why? Because the producers thought - you get the idea.

This movie is a fan film. The producers were 23 years old at the time. The movie strives too hard to be original and only half succeeds, but it's a testament to how awful some of the other Friday the 13th movies were that it is still a better movie overall.

Listening to the commentary, it's obvious that once the franchise moved to New Line they were giving it to any punk who was willing to direct it. Ironically, this gave the movie a huge amount of freedom and latitude to be very daring in a way a more revered franchise could never be. And of course, that freedom gave us the ultimate joke: Freddy Kreuger's clawed hand pulling Jason's mask down into hell.

As the producers explained, it was a gag. They figured it was possible to have both villains face off since New Line owned the rights to both Jason and Freddy, but there were never any plans to film a movie between the two titans. Once that scene played, however, Freddy vs. Jason became a possibility.

So we owe it to a couple of kids for planting the seed that would eventually germinate into the superior Freddy vs. Jason flick. They get props from me for having the balls to stick into their movie. That, and the fact that two props from Evil Dead are in it.

Labels: Slasher Reviews

talien 7:22 AM

Friday the 13th, Part VI - Jason Lives

Jason, Jason, Jason...what happened to you?

I've been introduced to the Friday the 13th franchise in reverse, with Jason X and Jason Goes to Hell, then Freddy vs. Jason. Friday the 13th VI: Jason Lives has the glimmer of humor and self-referential parody that became a staple in the later films.

The plot, such as it is, goes like this: Tommy Jarvis (Thom Mathews), the closest thing Jason (C.J. Graham) has to an arch nemesis, is determined to see that Jason's dead. The fact that Jason is already dead and buried doesn't stop Tommy. He wants the body cremated. And Tommy's going to do it all by himself.

That said, there are some problems right from the start. Like Allen Hawes for example. Allen is played by Ron Palillo, THAT Ron Palillo, from Welcome Back Kotter. I didn't think it was possible, but Palillo plays the exact same character-whiny and annoying. Fortunately, we don't have to put up with him for long, because in a fit of rage, Tommy rips out a metal spike from a nearby gate and plunges it into Jason's chest!

Never mind that Tommy is apparently possessed of superhuman strength, or that metal spikes can be easily torn from the metal gates they're welded to. What the hapless duo really has to worry about is a lightning storm that strikes the pole in Jason's chest, not once, but twice. KAZAAM! Jason's lives!

The movie does get props for bringing Jason back to life (death?) in spectacular fashion. But that's pretty much the only novelty to the film. There's also the fact that Jason wears a jumpsuit and actually methodically stores his weapons in little pockets, one for each victim.

Jason immediately makes his way back to the Camp Crystal Lake and begins slaughtering camp counselors. These aren't just camp counselors, they're camp counselors from the 80s in a big way. This movie is the aftermath after an 80s bomb went off: everyone wears ripped shirts, tight jeans, big hoop earrings, frizzed hair, listen to bad 80s rock, and drive Camaros.

The plot shows promise as the local sheriff (Michael Garris, played by David Kagen) assumes that Tommy is trying to bring back the myth of Jason by committing the murders himself. Less believable is Jennifer Cooke as Megan Garris, who flirts, winks, and hair-tosses her way through the film, every inch the bad-girl sheriff's daughter. Megan, we're supposed to believe, thinks Tommy is cute and will do anything to save him, including stealing a deputy's high powered pistol and pointing it at said deputy's forehead.

While Tommy runs around trying to convince everyone Jason is loose, and Megan tries to run around convincing everyone Tommy is innocent, Jason hacks and slashes his way through everybody else. He kills people playing paintball, he kills graveyard drunks and of course, he kills camp counselors. He does not kill any children, although the camp is crawling with them. We can't have that, that'd be going Too Far ™!

For the latter half of the movie, Tommy decides that since the supernatural resurrected Jason, the supernatural will put him down again. This arcane grimoire lists all the ingredients to get rid of a psychotic zombie, which includes a length of chain and a rock. That's right, Tommy needed to get "supplies" (he refers to the supplies over and over) to take care of Jason, only to come up with the world's stupidest plan.

It's refreshing to have someone that Jason actually hates. Tommy lures Jason out to the lake after the cops are progressively chopped up, broken in half, etc. The catch is that Jason doesn't swim (he drowned, remember?). So he walks along the bottom of the water and Tommy loses track of him. Whereupon Tommy decides to pour gasoline around the boat and set it ablaze (because that makes the situation MUCH better). After tying a rock to Jason's head and dropping him into the middle of the lake, a whole 20 feet under, Jason grabs Tommy's throat and proceeds to strangle him.

Up to this point, the movie takes great pains to show just how strong Jason is. He rips Horshack's heart out. He breaks off somebody's arm that tries to shoot at him. He bends a man backwards in half. But for some reason, he just can't strangle our hero Tommy.

Jason's subsequent death is irrelevant because it doesn't make any sense (just how much does it take to really kill a zombie?). And the "he's finally laid to rest" argument holds little water-pun intended-because Jason's floating just a few feet below the surface tied to a rock. Yes, Tommy really has put the scourge that is Jason to rest. Other horror movies should import Tommy: maybe he can throw an unlit match at Freddy and end the series that way too.

I've read a lot of fans talk up Kane Hodder and how he pulls off the Jason presence, an entirely silent act. Well, I actually noticed the difference. Jason seems like some crazy survivalist as opposed to a psychopath with a machete. At time he's methodical, too methodical, when he should be a brutal killer. In essence, Jason just isn't very Jason-like.

Of course, hindsight is 20/20. The more recent Jason films that followed in this movie's footsteps have spoiled me. Many of the movie's conventions, like the self-referencing humor (camp kids openly wonder what they "we're going to be if they grew up", Horshack's body falls into Jason's grave and nobody notices, the drunk gravedigger stumbles around drunkenly), the undead Jason, the innovative weapons use, and the fact that Jason is a supernatural entity that can be defeated by water.

Jason lives, but he's much livelier in other films.

Labels: Slasher Reviews

talien 7:21 AM

Alter Ego	Demonic Slasher
Dream Stalker	Soul Sucker
Evil Doll	Stalker
Mad Genius	Thin Stranger
Shape	Vengeful Spirit