3000 Miles to Graceland
3000 Miles to Graceland was advertised as a very different movie. I have to say, if I could just watch movies made by the guys who put together previews, I'd be a lot happier.
The preview emphasized the whole Elvis angle. To wit: a bunch of crooks decide to rob a Vega casino dressed as Elvises (Elvi?). Kevin Costner plays Thomas Murphy, the bastard child of Elvis. Actually, there's possibly two bastard children of Elvis in this movie. Ya see, there were 35 claimants stating that Elvis was their pop, but 33 of those DNA tests proved false. So who is the other Elvis-spawn? We're never told.
Anyway, that's all besides the point. That whole Elvis thing? That's not what the movie's about.
In fact, at first I thought the movie was about giant robot mecha. It starts with two computer generated robot-like scorpions battling each other to the death. Only they have big, grinning maws for faces. The black scorpion fights the silver scorpion. One of them is probably supposed to be the good guy. It doesn't matter, the movie seems to say, because they're both mean scorpions and you shouldn't be rooting for either one.
The first half hour of the movie is the aforementioned heist of the casino by the Elvis gang. The potential for entertainment is ruined by weird, stuttery camera shots and a total lack of rhythm. Interspersed between images of Elvis-impersonators firing machineguns are Broadway shows of elvis. But none of it gels quite right.
When we're not seeing Elvis with a gun, which apparently the director thinks is absolutely hysterical since he shows these shots over and over, we're seeing women do naughty sexual acts. Courtney Cox, in the first role as a sexual plaything that I can recall, acts as...well, a sexual plaything (unless you count Ace Ventura too). She also has a thieving little son named Jesse James. He likes to pick pockets and pretend he's a cowboy. There's a lot of Courtney moving up and down in the vicinity of a bed. If you like Ms. Cox, then this is as good as the movie gets.
There's definitely a misogynistic streak running through the film. It's most obvious when a random redhead shows up for no other reason than to provide fellatio for the bad guy - that's Murphy.
I'm no fan of Kevin Costner, but he does play a mad-dog-mean bad guy. The protagonist, if you can call him that, is Kurt Russell as Michael Zane. Russel kicks ass, even in this role. But he can't save this movie. In some twisted, good-vs-evil battle, the two characters go head to head again and again in car crashes, gunfights, and battles of wit. Okay, battles of potty-mouthed swearing.
I expected this movie to be witty, funny, cool in a fashion very similar to Ocean's Eleven. But this movie is like the anti-Ocean's Eleven. It sucks the cool out of other movies playing nearby. It features lots of foul language, the complete desecration of all things Elvis, Courtney Cox's ass, Christian Slater AND David Arquette, child abuse, and women as sex toys. It's a bitter, nasty, dirty film that has little redeeming value.
The preview emphasized the whole Elvis angle. To wit: a bunch of crooks decide to rob a Vega casino dressed as Elvises (Elvi?). Kevin Costner plays Thomas Murphy, the bastard child of Elvis. Actually, there's possibly two bastard children of Elvis in this movie. Ya see, there were 35 claimants stating that Elvis was their pop, but 33 of those DNA tests proved false. So who is the other Elvis-spawn? We're never told.
Anyway, that's all besides the point. That whole Elvis thing? That's not what the movie's about.
In fact, at first I thought the movie was about giant robot mecha. It starts with two computer generated robot-like scorpions battling each other to the death. Only they have big, grinning maws for faces. The black scorpion fights the silver scorpion. One of them is probably supposed to be the good guy. It doesn't matter, the movie seems to say, because they're both mean scorpions and you shouldn't be rooting for either one.
The first half hour of the movie is the aforementioned heist of the casino by the Elvis gang. The potential for entertainment is ruined by weird, stuttery camera shots and a total lack of rhythm. Interspersed between images of Elvis-impersonators firing machineguns are Broadway shows of elvis. But none of it gels quite right.
When we're not seeing Elvis with a gun, which apparently the director thinks is absolutely hysterical since he shows these shots over and over, we're seeing women do naughty sexual acts. Courtney Cox, in the first role as a sexual plaything that I can recall, acts as...well, a sexual plaything (unless you count Ace Ventura too). She also has a thieving little son named Jesse James. He likes to pick pockets and pretend he's a cowboy. There's a lot of Courtney moving up and down in the vicinity of a bed. If you like Ms. Cox, then this is as good as the movie gets.
There's definitely a misogynistic streak running through the film. It's most obvious when a random redhead shows up for no other reason than to provide fellatio for the bad guy - that's Murphy.
I'm no fan of Kevin Costner, but he does play a mad-dog-mean bad guy. The protagonist, if you can call him that, is Kurt Russell as Michael Zane. Russel kicks ass, even in this role. But he can't save this movie. In some twisted, good-vs-evil battle, the two characters go head to head again and again in car crashes, gunfights, and battles of wit. Okay, battles of potty-mouthed swearing.
I expected this movie to be witty, funny, cool in a fashion very similar to Ocean's Eleven. But this movie is like the anti-Ocean's Eleven. It sucks the cool out of other movies playing nearby. It features lots of foul language, the complete desecration of all things Elvis, Courtney Cox's ass, Christian Slater AND David Arquette, child abuse, and women as sex toys. It's a bitter, nasty, dirty film that has little redeeming value.
posted by talien | 6:37 AM
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