What do you call a mixture stop composed entirely of leather-lipped Tibia pipes? Click here for answer! Upholstered Fourniture.
Why is a B-series Hammond better than an L-series spinet Hammond? Click here for answer! It'll burn longer.
What's the best use of that ubiquitous Hammond accessory, a Leslie tone cabinet? Click here for answer! Kindling. To set the Hammond on fire.
What's the most aesthetically pleasing drawbar setting possible on a Hammond? Click here for answer! All zeroes.
What's the ideal composition to show off a Hammond at its best? Click here for answer! 4'33", by John Cage If you didn't get that one, maybe this link might at least explain the allusion
(Apologies to Pete Barbutti for the following two)
How do you turn a Hammond on? Click here for answer! Whisper sweet nothings to it. Like in: "How about I play you, wearing nothing but my Organmasters and a smile?" or "My, your Leslie is so BIG!"
How do you turn a Hammond down? Click here for answer! Look the owner straight in the eye, and say, "You expect me to play THAT?!? EEEEEEWWWW!!! GGRROSSSSSS!!!!"
How do you make a Hammond-player play softly? Click here for answer! Put a score on the music desk.
How do you make a Hammond-player give up completely? Click here for answer! Same as above, only make sure the score you put on the music desk has at least one juicy pedal solo.
How many organists does it take to change a lightbulb? (from Organ Geeks Online) Click here for answer! Two. One to do it, and one to make a really dumb remark about how much quicker and easier it would be to change, if it had pistons!
What sport/utility vehicle is most likely to appeal to a classically trained organist? Click here for answer! The one GEO makes. Because it's a TRACKER!
Then there was the organist who had a set of expression shutters installed on his bathroom. Unfortunately, he was hardly the first organist to have a swelled head.
Why did the young woman show up for her first organ lesson wearing bright yellow, tight-fitting calf-length pants? Click here for answer! Because they were PEDAL-PUSHERS!
What jazz standard did the rather large young man play, upon finding out that, in a size-16, even Organmasters are a bit clumsy on the pedalboard? Click here for answer! "Feets Too Big"!
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