Desperate Cry

An Anthology of Poems
by Edmund Sonador



On Boston Common
October 18,1988

How long to stay, this place to rest
With poems heard and books to read
Of places known, indeed the best
This quiet place to fill my need

As church bells toll the time of day
My reverie they do not break
To passers by I seldom say
But from their smile some pleasure take

Yet in my heart your beauty lies
As autumn winds through turned leaves blow
Some sadness still, behind these eyes
In knowing soon that I must go

Edmund Sonador



Strangers
March 6, 1990

You ask me where I'm going,
And if I've ever been
You ask me if I'll ever see
Familiar soil again

You ask me how I got there,
And how did I survive
You comment on the luck I had
To make it back alive

Important questions, all are these
The answers are the same
The stranger thing occurs to me;
You never asked my name

And strangers we remain
Edmund Sonador



One Perfect Rose
December 5, 1989

This was the dream I had,
Searching for someone like you
What will I find?
When will my search be through?

There are these places in my mind
In my dreams where I can find
All the love I've sought
for so many years.
So much beauty here,
and a love I feel so clearly.

Then after searching all this time
Never knowing what I'd find,
I discovered all I
wanted in you.
Here a feeling grows
and a wonder now it shows.

Although these

Dreams they never do come true
Still sometimes they do,
if you love.
When this quest is finally through
In my dream I'll find
you love me, too and

Yet when I wake the truth is there
Who am I that you should care?
Still, these days and nights
my thoughts are of you
Dreams just don't come true.
I'm a fool to think you'd love me.

You're so much more than I've become
Look at everything you've won!
Could I ever hope to
see you again?
Hope is all I have. In my dreams
I'll be with you again.

This was the dream I had
Searching for someone like you
I didn't know
you had been searching, too.

Love without measure now I find
Without reason you've been kind
Even though I've known you
so many years.
Truth, I never knew of the
way you felt about me.

So when I think of all this time
I have known you I'm inclined
To believe this wondrous feeling that grows
Much to my surprise
and right here before my eyes,
I've discovered One Perfect Rose

Edmund Sonador



Reverie

      Though I exist only in the background of your thoughts and feelings, I glory in knowing that I am measured by them. This one moment in time that you have given me is all that I require to see myself in your eyes.
      Soft, I brush your fingertips, as the gentle petal-texture of this flower, leaving only it's fragrant memory to ripple outward, touching every thing gracefully, completely. With child-like wonder, I am opened to a new experience, and I am well pleased.
      I will hold you gently, delicately in my mind, forever awestruck at your gentle beauty. Your fragrant whisper (a spring meadow at morning) beckons my eyes to open, to capture in that moment what has been beyond me my entire life, that ethereal vision set above all else.
      And I will know that these hands have never been so blest, as by what they now hold; for I find that, inasmuch as they have never known, there in their midst has been set you - one perfect rose.

Edmund Sonador



Soliloquy

      Would that I might trust the luck of fate and fortune, and say unto you, fair lady, "My God! What a lovely creature you are!" Your visage is as beauteous rays of sunlight in a dark and dreary land. What cloud could boast to hide the radiance of such a beautiful Sun? Your auburn tresses wisp softly on the breeze as do the branches of the willow. And yet, who am I that I might make so bold a proclamation? For as much as the Earth is beneath the Sun, am I beneath you. I am of such low estate as to make such intercourse reprehensible!

Edmund Sonador



Rainbow's End

December 18, 1989

Back in West Virginia, way up in the mountains
In a valley by the river's bend
There's some land my family's owned for generations
Great Grandpa named this place the Rainbow's End, oh yes
Great Grandpa named the place the Rainbow's End

At the age of eighteen I went to serve my country
And I did my duty proud and well
Met a lot of friends there and listened to the stories
Of this country's beauty they would tell, oh yes I
Listened to the stories very well

I wonder how the older folks are doing tonight
I wonder what's become of my friend
I wonder if the skies are cloudy or bright there
Down along the old river bend, oh yes just
Over at the Rainbow's End

When the time had come and I
was finished with my service
I knew the very thing that I would do
I set out 'cross the nation to see if all the stories
That my friends had told me could be true, oh yes to
See if all those stories could be true

I wandered through the Smokies, roamed the Appalachians
Visited the Rocky Mountain's sides
Saw Grand Canyon's majesty, the Redwood forest's tallest tree
Waded in the western seaboard's tides, well now I
Waded in the cool ocean tides

I wonder how the older folks are doing tonight
I wonder what's become of my friend
I wonder if the skies are cloudy or bright there
Down along the old river bend, oh yes just
Over at the Rainbow's End

I can see the smoke from the farmhouse chimney
I can smell my mama's apple pie
I can hear the church bells ringing in the valley
I can feel a tear in my eye, oh yes and
I can feel a tear in my eye

Walking down the road I can see my best friend Davy
Right behind him is his brother Paul
Further down the way I can see their sister Mary
She's the one I'm missing most of all, oh yes and
She's the one I'm missing most of all

I'm staying with the old folks at home tonight
I'm dancing with my new best friend
The stars, they sure do shine so bright tonight all
Up above the Rainbow's End I'm glad they're
Shining on the Rainbow's End

Edmund Sonador



For All The Missing Children

August 31, 1989

                                            (The Parent)

                      As I look at the pictures all around me
                      These children's smiling faces bring me down
                      Without them here, my life has been so empty
                      I pray that somehow, soon they will be found

                      Through endless days of hopeless waiting sorrow
                      I try to think I'm not here all alone
                      Here I exist just waiting for tomorrow
                      Oh God! Please bring my children to their home

                      There's a heavy, dying feeling when you're lonely
                      When your eyes would sting with sad and bitter tears
                      For the sound that comes behind you happens only
                      To be someone else's child, and not yours

                      I'll never understand the way things happen
                      How our lives could be so jumbled upside down
                      As when things we find so precious can be taken
                      And our hearts are filled with sadness so profound

                      How we long to see our children's smiling faces;
                      See them laughing, playing, running all around
                      Just to hold them close and tell them that we love them
                      And to keep them safe and warm within our home

                                            (The Child)

                      I sure do miss my mommy and my daddy
                      Since they've taken me so far away from home
                      These people make me sad and scared and lonely
                      Please, Jesus, come and take me to my home

                      Now my heart is hurting bad because I'm lonely
                      And I feel like I've been left here all alone
                      Wish that I could see my mommy and my daddy
                      And I'd give them hugs and let them take me home

                      I remember love when I had a fam'ly
                      Mommy tucked me safely in my bed at night
                      How I laughed and bounced so high on daddy's knee
                      When my tummy hurt, he made it feel all right

Edmund Sonador



Ebb and Flow

September 7, 1988

Your assessment is correct, my dear
The wound is deeper than I fear
Love's own flight falters; burning, crashes
Leaving naught but cold and ashes
Carried out on waves serene
Ending hope's eternal dream
Of heartfelt treasure; pure, pristine

From love's own solemn stillness wake
Upon your visage, breathless, quake
Yet held aloft on waves to soar
Sharing time, together more
To give you words of understanding
Lest you fear my heart's demanding
And separate, our souls left standing

As Phoenix from the ashes rose
My love, although rejected, grows
Confusing thoughts in tumult clash
Emotions flowing, rising, flash

What are these thoughts that fill my mind?
You've never known how oft I've pined
For wishing Heart's release, and yet
Grateful for the chance we met

You've never known how deep I feel,
Known the way my senses reel
Waiting through these countless days
Finding chance to give you praise
But is this now love's bitter sore?
That you might love another more
Filled with sorrow, deep, profound
A desperate cry without a sound

New light of day breaks o're the scene
My heart is light, gay, serene
Profusion flowers fill my eyes
Love's light breaks through this sad disguise

Your secret, kept well hidden, dear
The reasoning's been made quite clear
For Time's own purpose has been shown
That yours is now the heart I own

The other one, your heart's own song
I did not know, has all along
Been this poor stumbling, wretched fool!
Let us now enter love's warm pool

Edmund Sonador



The Dream

May 1973

      I only saw her once, but in the space of a few hours time she changed my life forever. God! What a dream! She is tall, sleek, and fast. She carries fifteen thousand square feet of sail, and she will make twenty-one knots in a good breeze.
      I was standing at the helm. The wheel in my hands had the feel of great wealth and power. The sun was high and the sails were full. The wind was dead astern and the colors of the telltale shown brightly as it streamed ahead. Gulls wheeled about the tops and yards, and their calls blended with the sounds of stretching rope, the tink of brass hardware, and the slip of water against the hull.
      I was alone on the ship, and quite content. The wind that filled the sails ruffled the sleeves of my white shirt and black pant legs. My boots were softly polished. No sword lay at my side to disturb this tranquil scene.
      The great Pacific rollers made mountains and valleys of the ocean, and the deck gently rolled to bow and stern as we crossed each in turn. There was no land or island to break the horizon, and I was well pleased.
      I lashed the wheel to a ring in the deck to hold our course and took a turn around the deck. Moving up on the starboard, my eyes followed the sheets lines up to the sails. The warm salt air brought the scents of a thousand spices up out of the hold. I scanned the horizon, but saw no other ships. Bright cumulus clouds dotted the blue sky.
      The belaying pins in the fife rails reminded me of soldiers lined up for inspection, and I smiled to myself at the thought. The hatches were open, but I did not look in them, for I knew the cargo was safe. I had left the doors to below deck open to allow fresh air into the quarters.
      At the bow, I leaned over to watch dolphin playing in the bow wake. I love these magnificent creatures, and I was glad that the dolphin striker did not dip down far enough to frighten them. A luffing in the jib echoed that of my shirtsleeves. The sun had moved ahead in its course. It was now late afternoon.
      I left the playing dolphin and continued back along the port. The anchor was secure in the cat's head, and the rope lay coiled nearby. Somewhere in the far distance a whale breached and blew a geyser of mist into the air. The wind had slowed and the great rollers were lower, calmer than before as the sky lost some of its light. The rolling had stopped and the deck remained level.
      As the sun set toward the bow, the full moon rose astern. Colors faded from my view. Oddly, as the light faded from the sky, the ocean grew lighter, as though underwater lights were coming on. I stood amidships at the port rail and gazed into the deep.
      I could see several fathoms into the water. I marveled at the sea life as they played out a ballet in three dimensions. Here were tarpon, mackerel, shark, and ray. Once I saw a large sea turtle, but he disappeared into the depths. Somewhere in the distance I could hear whale song. The gulls had left, and had taken their song with them.

      I returned to the wheel and loosed its binding. The wind had calmed, but now the sails were full with the moonlight. The telltale, once brightly colored, now lay mottled and gray against the canvas. A million stars dotted the black sky. As I took the wheel in my hands, and incredible feeling of peace came over me. We made an easy turn to port and the ship took on a special quality.

      Upon completing the turn, the ship lightened and rose. She did not so much lift out of the water, but the ocean fell away slowly beneath her. Our new course would take us to Alnilam, the middle star in Orion's belt. Thus would we begin our exploration of this present universe.

Edmund Sonador



To Love, Yet Not

November 16, 2002

      I have done something both terrible and foolish; something that I promised myself that I would never do again, and I have done it to myself. Against my own will and better judgment, I have allowed myself to fall in love.
      I know what I am, and more importantly, I know what I am not. I have no name, no title, no land, and no purse. I am neither handsome, nor strong, nor skilled in the social graces. I have nothing to offer her but my heart, and that she already possesses.
      To tell her of my love would be to ease my aching heart and to lift a great burden from my shoulders, but I dare not, lest perchance I win her heart, and forever shackle her beauty to this beast. Yes, I love her, but for love's sake, she must never know.
      My prayer is that she find happiness with another; someone who will love her as I do, someone equal to her station, someone worthy of her grace and beauty. And if she can find someone to love, to share her thoughts and dreams, to give her the respect and attention that she deserves, then I will be happy; for I will glory in her happiness.

Edmund Sonador



The Goddess's Tears

December 29, 2002
(revised August 1, 2010)

      Did you ever just sit and watch a thunderstorm? The raindrops are the Goddess's tears, and the thunders are Her sobs. She cries for us because She loves us. She loves us so much that it hurts. All She asks is that we love Her in return.
      Love is a gift from the Goddess, but it has no value until it is given away. Give your love to the Goddess today, and share Her love with someone else. This will please Her, and the sun will shine again!
      When the storm is over, nothing remains but the Goddess's love.

Love
January 29, 2003

      Thank you for the kiss! I only wish that I could collect that kiss in person! As I gaze upon your portrait, I imagine holding you in my arms and feeling the warmth of your arms around me.
      Your smile warms me, and I see myself kissing your hair, your cheek, your lips. Your eyes see only me, and mine only you. And I kiss you again to remind you of why we met, and why we are still together, and to confirm what we hope to share in the future.
      We are alone in the universe. Others may be present, but they go by unnoticed. We dance to music that no one else can hear, in a rhythm that no one else can feel. We thank God that He allowed us to meet, and we bless Him with the love that we have for each other.
      We become as one; one heart, one mind, one being. You are so beautiful that I can see nothing else, for there is nothing else. We compliment one another as the day compliments the night; two sides of the same coin. One cannot exist without the other. Time itself has no meaning, no form, no substance.
      We walk along the shores of time, and take joy from that experience, as one collects sea shells to make a necklace of love. The wind of our imagination gently tosses your hair and ruffles the sleeves of your blouse. You smile, and the world is bright again, for I know that I love you without measure.

Edmund Sonador



November 20, 2004
      My love for you is born of friendship, nothing more. You have no need to fear. I understand your reservations. Someone has pledged his love to you, and yet he has let love die, and wounded you in the process. I know the hurt you feel, for I have felt this same hurt myself.
      Now you are unwilling to love, unwilling to experience that terrible pain again. I don't blame you. It seems better to let opportunities pass than to take a chance on having your heart broken again.
      If you do not open your heart to love, you will never know the joy of love again, but also you will not suffer the loss of love. Is it worth the risk? Can anyone love you perfectly, unconditionally, and without reservation? Only God has that perfect love.
      In my prayers for you, I ask God to send you someone who can love you perfectly, even if that person is not me. Your heart is a rare and precious treasure, too fragile to hold in these clumsy hands. And if God allows me to be that one, I pray that He can perfect my love for you, to mold me into the man who can give you the respect you deserve, who will honor you, cherish you, defend you, and protect you.
      It is possible that you may never be able to love me. My love for you is without recompense, and it is enough for me that you know I love you. Although people speak of falling in love, this is not true. To love someone is a conscious decision, and I have decided to love you. If you decide to love me, I will thank God, for all love is a gift from God. I pray God can love you through me, and that you see in me the love that God has for you. I have asked God to put some thought for me in your heart, and to open your heart to me, but I know that it is your choice.
      What cruel jest of fate there is, that I with so warm a heart should choose to love a woman of your disposition. You love a man who will not return your love, and for that reason you have shut yourself off from loving anyone else.

Edmund Sonador



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