"Rushing Current"

A cold, burning fire
Licks the wounds of my heart
Neither healing, nor harming
The deep gashes left behind
By the many ordeals in my life
Yet they do fuel one thing
They fuel my anger
Pouring hatred upon hatred
Into the darkness of my soul


"I do not understand...."
"Why are you acting like this?"
Common questions
Did you think
When you pushed each button
That they would go unnoticed?
How do you view me?
Am I just an emotional toy
To bring you pleasure?
To fix your self-esteem?
To make you feel good
At the expense of my good humour?
Do I bear a label
That says use me and abuse me?

Each time
My system closes out
A gash appears
A rent in my heart
And a little more
Of the caring held within
Pours out, lost forever
You think me mad
Or a liar, or a manipulator
Yet not once have you considered
How much truth there might be
My life, my heart, soul mind and body
They are not like yours
I am not of your kine
But a breed set apart
Do not dare judge
That which courses through
My entire body
My emotion
A rushing current
Overwelming all in its path
Until you have touched my heart
Or experienced the rush
You cannot know
What is inside me

If you would only listen
Pay attention
Notice
Those things inherent in my speech
My body language
My every teensy, tiny movement and noise
You would have the key to understanding me
I am simplistic at heart
Every emotion shows
A rippling surface of emotion
Hear the words I am not saying
Look into my eyes
And read the book inside