Working With Grief and Trauma
Dr. Marie Green
This Grief Brief is by Dr. Marie Green (DSW). Dr. Green is a clinical social worker and has worked on the oncology unit of McKay-Dee Hospital for many years. Subsequent to that, she was a hospice social worker training nurses and social workers in grief therapy methods. She currently conducts training in Thought Field Therapy in the Mountain West and continues her work in medical social work in the Ogden, Utah community as part of the Women and Children's Department at McKay-Dee Hospital Center.
Working With Grief and Trauma
All of us, whether we are parents, teachers, friends, relatives, neighbors, or therapists will sooner or later be confronted with our own as well as another person's grief and trauma. The following are essential pieces of knowledge for the task of being human and being able to respond appropriately to grief/trauma in ourselves or in our friends, family members, neighbors, students or clients.
What is grief and trauma?
Grief occurs when one loses something precious such as a companion, friend, relative, student, client, job, health, pet, or status. The trauma is the loss and is compounded when the loss is aggravated by visual, auditory, kinesthetic or olfactory negativities.
Several dear friends died from cancer. One in particular looked awful. He was yellow, pasty and gaunt. There was an awful odor. And, he had terrific pain which made him cry out and moan and groan. Any attempt to touch him or soothe him caused even more pain. When he died, I was left with this mental picture which denied all the fun and laughter and joy we had as friends. I couldn't seem to shake the visual/kinesthetic/olfactory/auditory negativities.
This would represent the grief and the trauma of the last days of being with a friend who was so very ill and dying. Other traumas which accompany grief can occur with job loss, health loss, or pet loss. It is important to recognize that the event may be both grief AND trauma.
What are the effects or symptoms of grief and trauma?
When one is suffering from grief and trauma the symptoms are important to recognize:
1. There is difficulty remembering or doing step by step processing of
information.
2. Sensation of being cold or numb is common, and this, by itself, can make
a person wonder if they too are either having a "nervous breakdown" or have
acquired a disease.
3. Frequently there will be a complete lack of appetite or a sense of not
being able to eat.
4. Often there is sleep disturbance which can be either insomnia or excessive
sleeping.
5. Many times the person will report that they have read something 10 times
and still do not know what it says.
6. The deceased person or lost object will often be dreamt about or be perceived
to still be in the neighborhood when similar people are seen by the grieving
person. For example, if Dad always wore plaid flannel shirts then the grief
stricken person might think that the fellow wearing the similar shirt is
Dad. Or, it might be his truck that is similar to someone else's which makes
the grief stricken person think, "Oh, there he is!"
How long does it last?
Acute grief lasts from 1 to three months usually. This is a time when symptoms are most severe. It is a time when the grief stricken can barely put one foot in front of another. They are unable to think straight, remember or do the step-by- step processing. Reading anything can be next to impossible. Crying is often intermittent and spontaneous. Crying or tears can easily be precipitated by a song, a perfume, a special place or an activity which was shared by the two.
From three to six months the acute phase begins to pass and some activities become easier. Thinking and remembering seem to improve as does step by step processing and reading. Crying and tears diminish in frequency and duration. Slowly, the person begins to feel a little better, but still not back to normal.
The whole process of grief can last 2 years by some researcher's reports and years and years by other's reports. As with most emotional events, for each person the time frame differs. My own grief processes used to last about 5 years until I learned the technique known as Thought Field Therapy, described below. Now grief lasts about 3 days!
How to respond appropriately.
It is important to know how grief affects one's family and friends. If the person is unable to remember, don't expect them to. Also, do not give them much of anything to read. Don't expect them to do step by step processing or to be able to plan and implement activities as before. It is helpful in some situations if you, as the helper, take charge and do the planning, scheduling and implementing. This, of course, can be done in coordination with the person's desires and these must be considered. An example:
Mary's husband Joe has died. You want to invite her to dinner so she can talk if she wants and to alleviate the loneliness and being alone. You would NOT call and say, "Mary, do you want to go to dinner Tuesday?" This requires her to make a decision which she may have trouble doing. So you would say, "Mary, let's go to dinner Tuesday at 6 p.m. I will pick you up at 5:45 p.m. and we will go over to The Garden Club Cafe. Does that sound okay with you?" In this way, you are not expecting her to make decisions or to choose different sites or to plan and implement. You would also want to call her the day of the dinner, and then again shortly before to remind her again of the plan.
You may also want to help her remember some basic things which may have been Joe's chores like getting the cars serviced and the oil changed. Read the service sticker on her windshield. Help her remember the furnace maintenance and house maintenance such as covering the air conditioner for winter or uncovering it in springtime. She may benefit from some help with bill paying if Joe was the one in charge of that.
Do not encourage Mary to make major decisions at this time and help her to judiciously avoid them until a later date such as after 6 months or even a year if possible. In this context longer is often better.
Vicarious grief and trauma.
If one encounters very much grief and trauma on a frequent basis, there is a high probability that one will become vicariously grieved and traumatized. In essence, it is difficult to deal with grief and trauma consistently without likewise becoming affected. In the health care professions, vicarious grief and trauma is often demonstrated in the condition of burnout. You can only take so much. You become less and less able to be effective in your job. You suffer fatigue, depression, sleep problems (too much or too little), agitation, inability to cope and some of the symptoms described above in acute grief, including memory impairment and difficulties in doing step by step processing. Many professionals stack grief and trauma and do not deal with it until it overwhelms them with a state of vicarious traumatization. Many firefighters, nurses, social workers, etc. are suffering.
Whether it is grief/trauma or vicarious grief/trauma the effects are emotional and physical. Physically there often occurs an impairment in the body's immune system function. Subsequent to a loss or trauma, many times the person will become ill with an acute and/or chronic illness. It is therefore important to treat the grief/trauma and alleviate it as soon as it is wise to do so. The treatment described below can be very effective AFTER the most acute phase which lasts about 3 months. If the person has already had several grief experiences in life it might not be necessary to wait for the 3 month period to pass. For vicarious grief/trauma, one does not have to wait at all, but can go ahead with the treatment immediately with good results.
How to de-grief and de-traumatize yourself.
A fascinating new mind-body energy treatment can be used to completely eliminate the negative emotions which make grief so difficult. This treatment method is called Thought Field Therapy and was initially developed and researched by Dr. Roger Callahan, a clinical psychologist. A pattern of tapping in a sequence of points along the body's meridian system reduces perturbations in the thought field which create negative emotions and the subsequent dysfunction noted in grief. The tapping sequences are called algorithms or patterns. The algorithm for this is posted on the World Wide Web: http://psy.uq.edu.au/PTSD/trauma/callahan.html
You will want to try this algorithm for grief and trauma. I have also found it helpful for other distressing emotions such as anger, fear, sadness, phobias and more. There are different algorithms for different emotional stressors. For further information or training in this field see the World Wide Web: http://www.xmission.com/~mgreen
Other energy field power therapy information is also available via the Web. For further sites, treatment or training information in the various different methods, email Dr. Marie Green at: mgreen@xmission.com
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