When Support Isn't There
Kathi Webster - The Webster
This Grief Brief is by guest writer Kathi Webster. Here Kathi offers her insight and helpful suggestions on what to do When Support Isn't There.
When Support Isn't There
By Kathi Webster BSN RN
Grief is a normal and acceptable emotion after a loss, and support of family and friends is very important.
But do people with different losses experience varying degrees of support? The sudden loss of a parent, spouse or child are culturally acknowledged as "a serious loss" while an early miscarriage or sudden death of a pet may not evoke the same support systems -- even while the grief reaction may be as severe. Sensitivity toward all causes of grief is something we should work toward.
Just recently I experienced the loss of a cat whom I loved dearly. Luckily I was able to share my feelings with my husband, who felt the loss as strongly as I did. However not all people are as fortunate.
If you are dealing with a recent death or severe loss that has gone unacknowledged by significant people in your life, those whom you normally count on as your 'support system', try the following:
* Find someone to talk to. If no one within your usual circle of family and friends seems to understand, then locate support groups through newspapers, professionals, or the Internet. Reach out. Talk with people who understand you.
* Have a 'ceremony' of some kind to mark the important event in your life. Write a prayer or poem to express how you feel about the loss, and read it aloud in a place that is special to you. Leave flowers or bring an item belonging to loved one to the site. Construct a small shrine and burn a candle in memory.
*Plant a tree or plant in memory.
*If a parent, share your feelings with your children so that they do not misinterpret your sadness. Being open about your feelings will help your children share their own. Allow everyone in the family to grieve in the way they are most comfortable.
*Let yourself feel the pain and loss. Do not be embarrassed about your real feelings. Cry.
* Denying that a significant event has occurred in your life will not help.
*Any decisions related to "trying again" (such as another pregnancy or getting a new pet) should be postponed until intense grieving is past.
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