There is no "right" way to behave toward a dying person. There are, however, some general principles to remember that will enhance effectiveness and make time together more meaningful. Because each person is different, the informa- tion presented here can offer only general guidelines. Each person can then incorporate the suggestions into his or her own particular style and method of interacting with the dying person. In what follows, the time frame for working with a dying person will be addressed in three sections: Before, During, and After.
Before
* In the time preceding the death of the patient, the most important
thing to remember is be there.
* Be there consistently, as often as the patient wants, and as frequently
as the time schedule permits.
* Maintain contact on a regular basis, over a period of time, so the dying
person will feel comfortable with sharing thoughts, fears, feelings, wishes,
dreams, and hopes.
* Listen more than talk. Follow the dying person's agenda as time is spent
with them.
* If dialogue becomes difficult, look around the room for clues about the
person's friends, family and support systems.
* To avoid Emergency Medical Services for a death in the home, it is wise to
talk with the physician prior to this as well as the funeral home. Laws vary
from state to state, so it is important to have these arrangements made in
advance.
* At an appropriate time it is important to raise the issue of death planning.
During
* During the actual time of the patient's dying, the most important thing to
remember, once again, is be there.
* The most helpful things to remember are touch & talk. Touch and hearing are
the last two senses to diminish as one dies. Even comatose and sedated people
can hear and feel touch.
* At all times, the caregivers and family members need to explain to the dying
person what is being done and by whom. From fluffing a pillow to changing
the sheets, dying persons must be treated as though they were fully aware of
their surroundings. Let them also know who is in the room; tell him or her
who is touching an arm or patting a shoulder. Remind them of the time and date.
* Do not talk about the dying person in the past tense, as though already deceased.
This can be very upsetting for one who can hear but not respond to the conversation.
* It is very important, especially during the hours and minutes immediately preceding
death, that arrangements be made for the patient and family members, friends,
spouse, and partners to have time alone with the patient to hold, to touch, to say
things one last time before they part.
After
* Following the death, whether immediately or long term, again the most important
thing to remember is be there.
* Be attentive to family and friends without being obtrusive.
* Be available to listen.
* Don't be reluctant to frequently mention the deceased's name and encourage
reminiscing by family members.
* Most Important: maintain contact with the survivors long after everyone else
has gone back to their own lives.
TLC Group grants anyone the right to use this information without compensation so long as the copy is not used for profit or as training materials in a profit making activity such as workshops, lectures, and seminars, and so long as this paragraph is retained in its entirety.