Compaq Blows The Goat

Chronology of my Presario purchase
-------------------------------------

Ordered Compaq Presario 5600i (serial # xxxxxxxxxxxx) direct from the manufacturer. Order line: 1-800-888-0220.
Date of order - 1/16/99

1/27/99 - Unit was delivered. Monitor was DOA. Called Tech support. The rep (either Leonard Grant or Felix
                Rodriguez) agreed that the monitor was defective and authorized a replacement. How he figured out
                the monitor was inoperative all by himself without having me do a 'quick restore' is beyond me. Maybe
                it had something to do with the fact that the goddam screen was blank. Was assigned case# xxxxxxxxx.

                Hooked up my old Prolinea SVGA monitor to the new CPU and powered the CPU up for the first time.
                Went through the registration procedure and then began to inventory my new system. The 13 gig HDD
                which I ordered had mysteriously shrunk to a 10.5 gig HDD (that number did not reflect the amount of
                space LEFT on the drive, but the TOTAL size of the volume itself). Decided at that point that I no longer
                wanted this pile of shit since it had obviously been misrepresented and half of it (the monitor) didn't
                work anyway.

                Called tech support. Talked to Megan. Told her about the various problems with the machine and told
                her I wanted to return it for a full refund. Was assigned Return Merchandise Authorization (RMA)
                # xxxxxxx. Told her about the monitor issue and asked her to go ahead and CANCEL the replacement
                monitor which the other Compaq rep had ordered. She arranged for Airborne Express to pick up the entire
                defective Presario (at my home). This is was scheduled for the afternoon of the 28th of January, 1999.
                I packed the computer in the original shipping container(s) in accordance with Compaq's product return
                guidelines. She gave me her extension in the event I had any questions or concerns. Turns out I had
                plenty of both, but I was never able to contact her directly again.

1/28/99 - Left work early to meet Airborne. Airborne never showed up. Called Compaq. Spoke to both Holly, a
rep, and Jessie, a supervisor. Rescheduled another pick-up by Airborne on Monday, February 1st, between
4:00 pm and 5:00 pm because Megan was an idiot.

2/01/99 - Left work early to meet Airborne. Left extra early just in case. Arrived home at 3:30. Good thing I
was early, because so was Airborne. They picked up the machine at 3:40 pm. (Airbill # xxxxxxxxxx)

               >>>>> Personal note:
               I did, of course, allow a reasonable amount of time for the unit to be returned to Compaq (4 days). I
               further allowed a reasonable amount of time for the returned unit to be inspected by Compaq and for my
               account to be credited (5 days). As it turns out, Compaq received the machine at its Linden Utah
               facility the next day (2/02/99) according to the Airborne POD (proof of delivery) ticket which I
               acquired on 2/18/99.

2/10/99 - Did a balance inquiry on the way home from work. No credit for the balance due me.

               UPS attempted to deliver the (CANCELED) replacement monitor. Since I was at work at the time, they
               kept it on the truck and took it back to their terminal. When I got home and discovered the 'signature required
               at delivery' slip on my front door, I called UPS and told them I didn't want the piece of shit. UPS said they
               would return the piece of shit to Compaq. The idiot Megan strikes again.

               Immediately called Compaq Tech support and informed them of the disposition of the CANCELED
               replacement monitor. The rep said effectively 'no problem'. He also said that he didn't know why the
               replacement order had not been canceled, but that the monitor itself was shipped from a location other than
               the one where new systems are shipped, and that somewhere along the line there was obviously a
               'miscommunication'. I figure it was a miscommunication on the part of the idiot Megan, who was probably
               too busy watching soap operas and eating bon-bons to do her job.

Informed the rep about my Presario return and gave him my RMA#. He confirmed that Compaq had
accepted the returned merchandise.

               >>>>> Personal note:
               Again, according to Airborne's POD, Compaq accepted the returned merchandise on the same day it was
               received in Utah: 2/02/99. According to Compaq, an account should be credited within 48 to 72 hours after
               Compaq accepts returned merchandise. Sure.

               Informed the rep that my account still had not been credited. He put me on hold, came back a little while
               later and told me that my account had, in fact, been credited for the amount of the warranty upgrade plus
               tax. He also told me that the refund for the remaining balance due me had been authorized. He told me that
               my account was now closed, (<--big red flag here) but since my account had not been credited for the
               balance, he'd reopen it to force some kind of (quote) "internal audit". I asked him how long I should wait
               before calling if I don't see the credit on my balance. He said (quote) "give it until Friday".   I thought 'yea
               right, I'll give it till tomorrow.' He sounded like a child molester.

               >>>>> Personal note:
               The amount of the warranty upgrade credit did not correspond with the amount actually deducted from my
               account according to my bank statement.   Also, the amount of the balance due me according to Compaq
               did not agree with my bank statement.

2/11/99 - Called the bank. Asked about a credit for the warranty upgrade and another for the balance due. The bank
confirmed the first one, but not the second one.

               Called Compaq. Spoke to Mindy. Gave her my RMA#, told her when the unit was returned, explained to her
               that it had been nearly 2 weeks but my bank account still did not reflect the credit for 1795.42 (I informed her
               that I had been credited for the warranty upgrade. She put me on hold (naturally). When she returned, she
               explained that while a refund was authorized, that particular 'batch' hadn't been processed. I asked her why
               and she said (quote) "sometimes they just fall through the cracks, tee hee...tee hee hee". I'm sure she was
               blonde because she sounded like a real airhead. She told me she'd request to have the 'batch' processed that
               afternoon (2/11), and that it usually takes 48 hours to be applied.   She suggested I wait until Monday the 15th
               and by then my account would be credited for the outstanding balance. I had a suggestion for her, but I didn’t
               say it.

Did a balance inquiry on the way home from work. No credit for the balance due me.

2/12/99 - Did a balance inquiry on the way home from work. No credit for the balance due me.

2/13/99 - Did a balance inquiry. No credit for the balance due me

2/15/99 - Called the bank. No credit for the balance due me. Looks like Mindy lied to me.

               Called Compaq. Immediately requested to speak to a supervisor. Was transferred to Ashelle. Explained to
               her the circumstances surrounding my complaint. She assured me that she would track my refund
               "personally" (sure) and that my account would be credited within three (3) business days (she gave me her
               extension). I'm beginning to see a pattern here.

               Called the Texas State Attorney General's Office. Advised them of the circumstances surrounding my
               complaint against Compaq. Was told I would be sent a form in the mail which will be filled out by me and
               mailed back to them.   I'll also send a copy of this form (as well as a copy of this chronological list of
               'events' and copies of all supporting documents) to Eckhard Pfeiffer (CEO - Compaq Computer Corp,
               (hereafter known as 'Asshole Pumper' or 'The Pumper') via registered mail.

2/16/99 - Called the Wisconsin Department of Agriculture, Trade and Consumer Protection. Advised them of the
               circumstances surrounding my complaint against Compaq. Was told I would be sent a form in the mail
               which will be filled out by me and mailed back to them along with copies of any supporting documents. I'll
               be sure to include a copy of this form in the registered mail to The Pumper.

               >>>>> Personal note:
               After conducting a little research on the internet (www.compaqsucks.com, and several other sites), I
               discovered that situations like mine were not isolated. I found that Compaq has a reputation of ignoring
               customers' requests for refunds and support in general. This is why I feel that my contacting the two agencies
               listed above (at this point in time) was not an alarmist reaction on my part.

               Since the jerks at 1-800-888-0220, were no help, I called the Compaq corporate office in Houston. Asked for
               Ann Day (your retarded consumer support creep) but was transferred to some bitch named Brandi instead.
               Explained the circumstances of my complaint. Gave her my work number, my home number, my address,
               the RMA#, and the purchase order number. She asked me who assigned the RMA. I told her the idiot
               Megan at the 1-800-888-0220 number did. She told me that nobody there was authorized to issue an RMA.
               Uh huh, nice try you rag. I told her that I was in fact, issued an RMA; that Airborne did, in fact, pick up the
               stupid dumbass retarded pile of shit from my residence; that Compaq has, in fact, acknowledged receipt of
               the stupid, dumbass retarded pile of shit; and that a refund for the full purchase amount has, in fact, been
               approved and authorized by Compaq.   I told her that the warranty upgrade had, in fact, been credited to my
               account, but the balance due me had not. I told her I planned to pursue this through the Texas State Attorney
               General's office as well as the Wisconsin Dept. of Agriculture, Trade and Consumer Protection if a satis-
               factory resolution (full refund of the balance due me) was not achieved. She said she'd have someone
               contact me about this. She treated me like a complete idiot who had no idea of what he was talking about.
               This was much appreciated.

Did a balance inquiry on the way home from work. No credit for the balance due me.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Compaq withdrawal in the amount of $xxx.xx dated 1/19/99.
(Warranty upgrade plus sales tax)

Compaq withdrawal in the amount of $x,xxx.xx dated 1/19/99.
(the amount of the computer and monitor plus sales tax)

Compaq deposit (credit) in the amount of $yyy.yy dated
1/28/99. (Warranty upgrade plus sales tax)

So, it appears the warranty upgrade was credited to my account before Airborne Express even picked up the
defective computer.

              Furthermore, $x,xxx.xx
                                 + $xxx.xx
                               ------------
              The amount representing the total amount deducted from my account

              Does not equal $y,yyy.yy
                                  + $ yyy.yy
                                  -------------
              The amount owed to me according to Compaq

              Compaq must employ some new method of accounting, or something. Not that I'd grouse about an extra
              $3.58.   That's pretty cheap for all the bullshit I'm going through right now.
              --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2/17/99 - Had a voice-message waiting when I arrived at work this morning. It was from Dan at Compaq indicating
that the balance due me in question had now been credited to my account. He told me to call him directly
(gave me his extension) if I had any questions or concerns.

Called the bank. No credit for the balance due me. Looks like that fucker Dan lied to me too.

               Called Compaq at the number given to me by Dan. Asked for Dan. Dan has off on Wednesdays. (for
               convenience sake). Asked the bitch I spoke to why my account had not been credited when, in fact, Dan
               said that it had. She explained that the credit went through as of 2/16/99 but it (quote) "takes 72 hours for
               the credit to go through the various computer systems". How nice. Sounds very familiar by now. (by the
               way, what happened to the credit that 'went through the various computer systems' on 2/11/99, you lyin’ sack
               of shit?)

Did a balance inquiry on the way home from work. No credit for the balance due me.

Called a local attorney that specializes in consumer law.

2/18/99 - Called Airborne Express and requested a copy of their 'Proof Of Delivery' form, which will verify that
Compaq did, in fact, receive the rotten, defective shit box and also indicates the name of the idiot who
signed for it.

Filled out and submitted an online complaint form on the Better Business Bureau website. They will forward
it to the Houston branch of the BBB.

Did a balance inquiry on the way home from work. No credit for the balance due me.

Called 'Contact 6', a local comsumer advocacy program which is affiliated with a local television station.
Sent this chronology in an attachment to their e-mail address.

             >>>>> Personal note:
               It appears to me that Compaq has no intention of refunding my money and is intent only on wearing me
              down. At this point, direct communication with Compaq is futile, and in my opinion pointless. I feel the only
              recourse I have is a legal one. Therefore, from this point forward, any contact between myself and Compaq
              will be through arbitration or legal channels.

               >>>>> Personal note:
               I will not be 'worn down'. I did not make a charitable donation to Compaq Computer Corporation.
               Compaq can call it a miscommunication, an oversight, a computer-glitch (which makes sense if their
               accounting process is powered by a Compaq product), or anything else they want. I can think of a few
               euphemisms myself.   Larceny comes to mind.

2/19/99 - Had a voice-message waiting when I arrived at work this morning. It was from Janet at Compaq indicating
               that she can (quote) "help me take care of the issue". She can also pull monkeys out of her ass too, I
               figure. Gave me her extension. Too bad her lazy ass only works Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays. I'll be
              damned if I'm going to wait until Sunday to talk to her, since I've got all my correspondence ready to be
              mailed to the Texas State AG, the Wisconsin Dept of Agriculture, Trade, and Consumer Protection, and to
              Compaq's Asshole Pumper. I'm going to call the bank before I leave work tonight, and unless there's a
              deposit sitting in my account that wasn't there yesterday, I'm heading straight to the post office.

Called the bank. Holy SHIT!!! I don't believe it, but there it is. The balance due me was credited to my
account today.

Still mailed my letter to The Pumper. I don't care that my account has been credited, they're still going to
hear from me. Screw 'em. I'm too pissed and have too much to say not to say it.

=================================================================================

My first experience with Compaq dates back to 1993 when I bought a new Prolinea and went through four monitors
before I finally received one that worked. Still, I felt that Compaq honored the warranty, treated me with respect, and
did what was needed to rectify the problem. This commitment to customer satisfaction was very appealing in light of
all the computer manufacturers at the time who put forth crap and called it lightning. This is why I decided to purchase
my new computer from Compaq.

My, how times have changed.

Actually, I'm glad as hell that Compaq shipped me a pile of shit. Now that I've returned it and got my money back, I
won't have to live with lousy tech support for the next 3 years and God knows how many 'quick restores'.

In fairness to Compaq, the representatives (or whatever outsource vendor answering service) to whom I directly spoke
were very polite and generally "seemed" to care about resolving my problem. In fairness to myself, I'd like to ask them
if they enjoy lying to people for a living.

In closing:

I would jump from an airplane without a parachute face-first into a swimming pool filled with razor wire and raw
sewage before I would ever buy another Compaq product. The way I have been treated is absolutely pathetic.
Compaq's business practices are (in my opinion) criminal, and their customer support is based (also in my
opinion) on a platform of deception and out-and-out lies. My Persario was complete junk in the '90s. In a word,
Compaq sucks.

If anyone ever asks my opinion about Compaq Computer Corp., you can bet I'll bend their ear. If fact, if anyone ever
asks me the price of a paperclip, I'll be sure to work my opinion of Compaq into the conversation. I guess I'm just
another on their ever-growing list of acceptable losses. Looks like I'll have a lot of company.

Hey Pheiffer: you ought to search the web for 'Compaq Sucks' or better yet, visit compaqsucks.com and find out what
people really think about your company and its products. 'Worthless' seems to be the prevailing opinion. Oh, by the way,
do you want your $3.58 back? Tell you what - give me a call and I'll assign you a case number. You might get a refund

"...at a speed that's blinding",

but I wouldn't count on it.

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